Weekly Wilson

It was a beautiful night, because the rain that had been threatening for much of the afternoon held off. The tickets said 7:00 p.m, but we meandered across the street to Soldier Field at quarter to 8:00 p.m. and Kid Rock, performing with Bon Jovi as the lead-in act, had not yet taken the stage.

When he did, all numbers were up-tempo and, later on, he joined Bon Jovi for a rousing rendition of “Old Time Rock ‘N Roll.”

There was an intermission after Kid Rock’s hour long set and then, at approximately 9:30, Bon Jovi took the stage and held court for 2 and 1/2 hours. They played all the songs they’ve made famous over the years, and some I didn’t know. Bon Jovi looked great in a black jacket and pants that were also black, but sparkled. Other band members mostly went with the black leather pants.
Richie Sambora, in particular, had lost weight. He wore a silver lame jacket to open the show, then switched to a sleeveless leather vest, and finished up with a hat and vest combo. The fans were appreciative at all points, and 60,000 of them turned out. Considering that the band has played in 50 countries and released 11 studio albums, 2 compilations (1 Great Hits in 1994), 1 live album and sold 130 million copies, worldwide, we got what we expected: a World Class show. While the bands were performing a variety of film clips were projected on the 3 large screens behind them.

Bon Jovi, as a group, has been rocking and rolling since 1983. Jon Bongiovani, whose surname provided the group with its name “Bon Jovi” has been married to his high school sweetheart Dorothea for 21 years and has 4 children aged 17, 15,  8 and 6. It’s no wonder that Jon told “E! Online” prior to the Chicago show, “My life’s pretty good.” If you saw the “Sixty Minutes” special filmed at the palatial French chateau that is home in New Jersey, you will agree. The 48-year-old rocker pulled a calf muscle early in this tour, but, unlike Kings of Leon who canceled their entire St. Louis concert because a couple of pigeons shat upon 2 of their band members while they were playing, this band takes a licking, but keeps on ticking.

Jon Bon Jovi revealed that 2  countries they have yet to play, but would like to are Israel and Greece. Considering that they’ve played 2,600 dates in 50 countries, I’d say it’s a good bet they’ll eventually add both of those countries to their tour list. This tour, The Circle Tour, comes on the heels of the November, 2009 release of their latest album, “The Circle” and will wind down the North American leg after Saturday, July 31′s show. Then, one month off (August) and back to tour Latin America, Australia and Japan beginning in September.

A great show with plenty for everyone.

They’re shooting “Transformers 3″ in Chicago and one downtown hotel, Hotel 71 on Wacker Drive, has even sold out its “Transformers” packages, according to the manager, Steve Shern. It sure didn’t look like the patrons of that hotel would get much sleep between Thursday, July 15, when the movie crew shut down Michigan Avenue at Randolph, and Monday morning, July 19, when the main drag opened up to regular traffic again.

On Sunday, July 18th, I took my trusty Canon camera and boarded a bus to get as close as possible to the shooting at Michigan and Wacker, right at the bridge that leads to the Tribune building and the Gleacher Center, where the University of Chicago holds classes.

As I walked the final couple blocks, three huge explosions could be heard. This would be in line with the fireballs, skydivers and wrecked autos that were said to be littering the place. Tribune employees reported that, during the day, they could see star Shia LaBoeuf running to and from one rock to a pile of debris (cars, mostly) several times. This time out, Shia’s co-star is Rosie something Whiteley, a former Victoria’s Secret model. She replaced Megan Fox, who seems to have become embroiled in a war of words with Director Michael Bay, who chalked up her mild criticism of the “scream-and-run” school of acting to her extreme youth. (She’s 23). I saw no similar criticism of Shia LaBoeuf’s nearly identical comments within a “Vanity Fair” article on the Michael Douglas reprise of his Gordon Gekko role on “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” due out soon.

It was boring standing there hoping the car (pictured) would fall into the Chicago River, and I can only imagine that it would be even more boring to have to run from a pile of wrecked cars to a rock several times, convincing people that a child’s toy gone wild is threatening the Earth.

I did read that, this time, Chicago will really represent Chicago, rather than Gotham City as it did in the last “Batman” movie. That will be nice, and I will be able to say I saw the filming, which, really, would be more accurately phrased as, “I heard the filming, on Sunday, July 18th, 2010.”

Viggo Mortensen at the 2008 Chicago Film Festival.

In the 1980 film “American Gigolo,” Richard Gere boldly went where no male actor had dared go before: full monty on film. As Julian Kaye, Richard had a scene standing next to a window in a bedroom (with co-star Lauren Hutton) that started a trend that shows no signs of  abating. It was an important moment in cinema: a break-through,  baring one’s all for one’s art.
Here are 10 examples of Full Frontal since Richard let it all hang out (pun intended).  It does not include those that are closer to porno, like the shower scene in 1980’s “Can’t Stop the Music” with Valerie Perrine (The Village People sang “Y.M.C.A.” in that one, which pretty much tells you everything you need to know about the film’s quality) and it doesn’t include the edited sequence(s) in “Fast Times at Ridgewood High” or the really obscure Dutch film “The 4^th Man” (Paul Verhoeven). The list also excludes “All the Right Moves” (1983) with Tom Cruise and Lea Thompson, where the camera lingered lovingly over the near-naked pair and panned downward.

And, since I’ve mentioned Tom Cruise, it doesn’t include FEMALE full frontal nudity, which has been done  to death for years. If it did, I’d be citing “Risky Business” and the scene with Rebecca DeMornay removing her dress to reveal  she had nothing on underneath, because Tom was not the one showing skin on the silver screen that time. There was also the overly long “At Play in the Fields of the Lord,” with Tom Berenger wearing almost nothing and Darryl Hannah literally wearing nothing, but I’ve left it off the list, too, because that  film about missionaries bringing more than just religion to the poor oppressed natives of South and Central America had  Tom wearing almost nothing, but I think there was a loin cloth or some such involved in the scene where he is nearly starkers.

So, who/what are the few, the bold, the Full Monty Minions?

Here are 10 that you can check out at your leisure. In some cases, don’t blink or you’ll miss it/them. Number Ten represents full frontal male nudity, but not from the likes of  Tom Cruise or a Richard Gere (more’s the pity).

1)      Richard Gere, (1980), “American Gigolo” and  “Breathless” (1983)

2)      Harvey Keitel, “The Piano” and “Bad Lieutenant” (Harvey took it off so often that, for a while, people were saying that it wasn’t truly an indie film unless Harvey was nude in it. More’s the pity that the actor enjoying nudity so much wasn’t someone a lot more attractive; you almost had to shout “Put it on! Put it on!” from your seat in the audience.)

3)      Jason Segel, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”

4)      Ewan McGregor: “The Pillow Book,” “Trainspotting,” “Velvet Goldmine,” “Young Adam” (And you thought Harvey Keitel was addicted to shedding his clothes at the drop of a plot point.)

5)      William H. Macy, “The Cooler.”

6)      Bruce Willis, “The Color of Night” (swimming pool scene)

7)      Kevin Bacon, “Wild Things”

8)      Jaye Davidson, “The Crying Game” (Is he a he or a she?)

9)      Viggo Mortensen, “Eastern Promises” (One of the most horrifying fight sequences ever filmed.)

10)  Also, although hardly “star” turns, (which the list above is mainly involved with),

let’s not forget the fat guy in “Borat” (Ken Davitian), the phallic scene in “Boogie Nights” with Mark Wahlberg (no, it wasn’t all real), and the guy offering a beer in “Walk Hard: the Dewey Cox Story.”

So, there you have it: men who will bare their souls…and a lot more…for their art. Actors who have actively stripped to wearing nothing but a smile. Enjoy!

Drury Design, Glen Ellyn, Illinois

On June 19th, the community of Glen Ellyn had its first book fair. I signed up to participate ($25) and was told (eventually) that my signing spot was the Santa Fe Cafe. I both called and sent literature to Olga Jimenez, the charming owner of the Santa Fe Cafe, a downtown eating establishment that has been written up in “Chicago magazine.

I then set about having myself put on the free “Daily Herald” calendar, saying I would be at the Santa Fe Cafe and I sent some hand-outs to Olga, asking her to post same. She did so on her front door.

Less then a week before the June 19th event, I learned that I was being moved to Drury Designs, a kitchen and bath remodel store on the outskirts of the town. I was to share time/space with a writer of romance novels. I mentioned that Olga and I had already agreed that, since she doesn’t open till 11:00 a.m., I would sign from 11 to 2, rather than 10 to 1, and I was told that I couldn’ t do this because it “wouuldn’t be uniform.”

Actually, many other writers were signing at places around town in connection with the book fair at times other than 10 to 1, including J.A. Konrath, who signed at the downtown pub at night, and John O’Donnell, who had Randy Hundley of the Chicago Cubs come in as a celebrity to help him sell his baseball book.

I also learned that the “keynote” speaker was going to be speaking at a gym, which is not near the downtown, and that tickets were being sold for the speaker. However, none of we less-well-known writers were invited to have a table at the back of this gym while the “keynote” speaker did her thing.

I protested that, having just helped run a book fair in Davenport, Iowa, not having the rank-and-file of writers near the keynote speaker (who is, let’s face it, supposed to be the one who will draw a crowd for the smaller fry) seemed somewhat unfair to those of us stuck in the boonies. And, since I had already made some small efforts to advertise my presence at the Santa Fe Restaurant, moving me at the last minute to a place much further away from the action didn’t seem wise. The response was that the committee wanted to “draw people into the downtown stores.”

I certainly have no argument with drawing people into the downtown stores and I, personally, did my part, buying $80 of dresses for the 17-month old grand daughters, but I do think it (the notice that I must move to a different location than the one I had just told the newspaper) came sort of late in the day, and the reason given (“wouldn’t be uniform”) was bogus.

The romance writer and I saw exactly one woman who was not a committee member, during our 4 hours at the Drury Design, which is a lovely award-winning store. There were 3 other people who came in during the 4 hours, but they had appointments about their kitchen or bathroom remodeling jobs. Jim Drury, the owner of the establishment, was kind enough to buy one thing from each of his 2 authors, which was very nice of him, and I, in turn, said I would post an article about this lovely shop.

I also noted that all 35 to 40 authors could have been fit inside the Drury Design, and the downstairs has a place (separate room) where the keynote speaker could have spoken, although admittedly it is not the size of a school gymnasium. I hope you enjoy the pictures of my set-up inside a kitchen display. The lonely ghost welcomes the readers who did not come to the “Ghostly Tales of Route 66.”

“Splice,” starring Adrien Brody as the semi-mad scientist, looked good in preview trailers, and it does not disappoint. It was not surprising to see that Guillermo del Torro and Joel Silver were 2 of the 4 producers. Del Torro, in particular, always has a wonderful visual feeling in his films, as with his Oscar-nominated 2006 film “Pan’s Labyrinth,” and his name, like that of Director Tim Burton, signals something that is going to be exceedingly cool visually.

Forty-one-year-old Director Vincenzo Natali, was the storyboard artist for a lot of impressive films, going all the way back to 1991’s “Beetlejuice” before stepping up to direct back around 2000. Natali wrote and directed “Cube” in 1997, and he has done double-duty as writer and director on “Splice,” as well.

The film opens with some heartbeat noises and there is a birth scene that is pretty impressive. The director also seems to have a sense of humor, as the secret lab where Dr. Frankenstein-like attempts to create new life are taking place is labeled NERD, standing for “Nucleic Experimental Research Development.”

In this lab lovers Sarah Polley as Elsa and Adrien Brody as Clive have created some disgusting-looking critters that are being bred to give off valuable proteins and enzymes that will reap rewards for the drug company funding their efforts. The creatures look like nothing so much as male genitalia that have learned to move around inside a cage. The two gung-ho scientists, who are portrayed as hot shots in their field, are to give a big presentation in front of their colleagues, which goes about as well as the King Kong stage scene in that classic monster movie. (“Don’t worry, Folks. He can’t escape.”) We expect disaster and we get it, because the cloned creatures have changed sex from female to male, meaning a critter-a-critter bloody fight to the death onstage, in front of thousands of their scientific colleagues. Embarrassing…and bloody. And, additionally, the two scientists are no longer such hotshots and their lab is in danger of imminent shutdown.

But Elsa (Sarah Polley), who seems ambivalent about giving birth herself after 7 years together as a couple, does want to try to clone a creature that is a little bit of this and a little bit of that: part human, part bird, part amphibian, part reptile, etc. The kicker is that Elsa provides her own DNA so that the lab serves as a surrogate mother for the diabolical experiment that Clive (Adrien Brodey) is opposed to from the start.

“Don’t worry,” Elsa reassures him. “We won’t take it to term. We just will know if we can generate a sustainable life form.” And there is always Elsa’s line, “What’s the worst that can happen?” We’re going to find out. And it’s an intensely graphic violent adventure that combines discussions about morality with the usual “How do you kill a monster?” stuff.

What the two lovebird scientists create initially is primarily a pretty hideous-looking CG creature. It continues to evolve outside the artificial “womb,” however, and, in time, Dren, as the duo name the creature, even begins to bear a resemblance to its human “mother.” The creature, which has bird-like legs, is quite human looking from the legs up, and is played by actress Delphine Chaneac in later scenes.

When the developing Dren becomes too big to hide in the lab, she is moved to a family farm that the mysterious Elsa has inherited from her family, a family that does not seem to have been quite right in the head. We learn very little of the trials and tribulations of the young Elsa, but we learn enough to know that her childhood was not straight out of a Disney movie.

The only problem with hiding Dren in the deserted farm is that Dren is bored and tries to escape at various points and attendance at work for one or both of the scientists become sporadic at best and non-existent at worst, dropping their status from hot shot stars to endangered species. (One funny exchange regarding Dren in the barn: “Don’t worry. She’s not gonna’ leave us,” from Elsa to Clive. Clive’s response: “She just did” as Dren flies off.

Yes, flies. Dren can do lots of things that humans cannot do, including breathe underwater and fly. The creature is one of the most intriguing and interesting other-worldly figures created on film since “Alien.” The human part comes through clearly, although Dren has no hair and seems to have a scar down the middle of the forehead of her otherwise attractive face.

There is an interesting scene where Clive dances with Dren to “Begin the Beguine” and a horrifying scene where Dren’s “Mother,’ (Elsa) feels it necessary to surgically remove Dren’s “stinger” against her will, because the stinger is lethal. (And, apparently, regenerates, if amputated.) There’s also the dispensable character that you just know is going to be picked off first, if anyone is.

Lots of bad things start to happen, as we knew they would, leading to charges that, “You’ve become something sick” (Clive to Elsa) and “We changed the rules. We got confused about right and wrong,” from Clive. Wistfully, he says, “I just wish things could go back to the way they were.”

As we all know, once the genie is out of the bottle, it’s hard to put it back in, leading, ultimately, to some interesting sequel opportunities.  Will Brody reprise his role? Stranger things have happened on film, but it looks more like Elsa will take this series to the next level in “Splice 2.”

The special effects are…well…special and it doesn’t hurt to have the London Philharmonic Orchestra recording such songs as ‘Night and Dren.” Shot in Toronto, this film opens up interesting ground for discussion about cloning and its implications for mankind. I’m really looking forward to the sequel and thoroughly enjoyed this first “Splice” film.

Moline, Illinois, June 25, 2010:  The Quad Cities of Iowa/Illinois held its first Tributefest in the streets outside the iwireless Center on the John Deere Commons area. Four bands that emulate famous bands performed, representing the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, AC/DC, and Bon Jovi, respectively calling themselves “Satisfaction,” “Toys in the Attic,” “Hells’ Bells” and “Bed of Roses.” The bands kicked off at 5:15 p.m. with the Rolling Stones impersonators from Las Vegas playing to a sparse crowd and the groups played until midnight.

As a first-time event, the crowd seemed to sufficient to call the experiment, sponsored by Budweiser, Hiland Toyota and Cumulus Broadcasting a success. Websites for the various groups proclaim them to be the “best tribute bands” for the artists represented, and, having stayed to see each of the four, I can attest that the Mick Jagger impersonator had Mick down (I’ve seen the real Rolling Stones 12 times). They were proclaimed by Las Vegas experts to be the “best” tribute band at imitating the Rolling Stones and perform under the name “Satisfaction.” I’ve seen another tribute band in Chicago with a much-older version of Mick at the microphone. This imitator, who took the stage wearing a white jacket, (which he soon took off in the heat), would represent Jagger of about 15 years ago. The Keith Richards look-alike had the hair down, but also Keith of 15 years ago, as the hair now is more white than black. It also appeared that the Keith Richards clone was playing bass guitar, not lead guitar, which is not the way it works onstage for the real deal.

The set list for the Stones impersonators also covered most of the songs any Stones fan would want to hear, for example: “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” “Let’s Spend the Night Together,” “Under My Thumb,” “Hey, You, Get Offa’ My Cloud,” “Time Is On My Side,” “Paint It Black,” “Tumblin’ Down,” “Shattered,” “Honky Tonk Woman,” “Start Me Up,” and “Brown Sugar.” Unfortunately, the promoters put the Stones on first, and the crowd was sparse at 5:15 p.m. I can say without equivocation that they were my favorite group, but that the others present seemed to prefer the “AC/DC” group from Winnipeg, Canada, who did throw themselves into the show with abandon. At one point, the lead guitar was carried into the crowd on the shoulders of another member of the band. I think that was about the point in time when some audience members, an older crowd generally, started dropping like flies and an ambulance was called.

The Aerosmith band (pictured with article), who perform under the name “Toys in the Attic,” taken from one of the real band’s first albums, had a relatively good Steven Tyler impersonator (not the lips, but the mannerisms), but the Steve Perry guitarist, while very proficient, merely had hair (and lots of it.)

By the time “Bon Jovi” (Bed of Roses) took the stage, with the faux Steven Tyler performing some songs with them, we were ready to pack it in. The Jon Bon Jovi impersonator bears very little resemblance to the real deal (way too short). Plus, the first 4 songs the group sang were not immediately recognizable Bon Jovi hits (and I’m a fan, with July 31 tickets to the REAL Bon Jovi’s Chicago Soldier Field concert). This may have been due to fake Steven Tyler’s presence onstage, while “Jon” played keyboards in the background. The ½ hour wait that fans had endured also cooled off the white-hot enthusiasm that “AC/DC” (aka “Hell’s Bells”) had generated. (Too bad I only knew “All Night Long” and “Highway to Hell” from that heavy metal group.)

I felt sorry for the Stones, who got the shafted in being made to go first, which the announcer kept attributing to the bands having been staged in the order they first began. Ideally, Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses,” (much softer pop rock), would have kicked off the night, to be followed by the heavier (and louder) rockers. I think my ears were bleeding after “AC/DC.” We were about 2 feet from the speakers and the volume ramped up a great deal between the Aerosmith guys from Nashville (a 14-hour drive, they said) and the AC/DC performers from Winnipeg.

One complaint, from me was the message I got (via e-mail) the day before the event that made it sound as though I would “save” $4 by buying my tickets online, which I then did. The tickets “at the door” were $12, it said, whereas buying them online in advance they were $10. I bit, and I ended up paying $34 because of a $5.50 “handling fee” for EACH ticket, plus taxes that added to the final total, so my $10 ticket became a $15 ticket and, instead of saving $4, it cost me $10 MORE than if I had just showed up at the venue.

I told the “will call” people in charge of handing out the tickets that I felt this constituted false advertising of a sort; the unconcerned man behind the table said, “Well, you could have canceled out on the computer near the end.” True enough, but why send me the promotional e-mail at all, when it ends up costing you $10 MORE if you take advantage of what was billed as a “cost-saving” measure (which I unwisely did)? All I got for my comment was a long lecture about Ticketmaster. The only way this would have been a “good” deal was if I were traveling from a long away (I wasn’t) and wanted to make absolutely sure I got in. As it was, I learned a lesson about not paying attention to the marketing messages from iwireless Center in Moline.

Otherwise, a fun way to spend an absolutely gorgeous evening, with $3 bratwurst and hot dogs and $5 for a hamburger basket with chips, which was certainly reasonable. You did need to take your own lawn chairs (we did) and the sound from the huge speakers carried for at least 5 blocks.

There’s a concert across the street from me at Soldier Field tomorrow night (Saturday, June 19) and it will showcase the Eagles, the Dixie Chicks and Keith Urban.

In today’s Chicago Tribune, page 10, a humorous description of the concert as being “We’ll Pretend We Like Each Other for a Lot Of Money and Keith Urban Will Be There Tour ’10.’

The list chose to mention some of the more tawdry aspects of each band’s past, for instance:

Number of years the Eagles were broken up: 14

Number of Farewell Eagles tours; 1

Number of years the Dixie Chicks have been on hiatus:  4

Number of albums the Dixie Chicks plan to record:  0

Number of times then-guitarist Don Felder and singer Glenn Frey threatened each other onstage during the legendary 1980 concert dubbed “Long Night at Wrong Beach”:  Maybe 10

Surprisingly low number of ex-band members who have sued the Eagles: 1 (Felder)

Number of times Glenn Frey refers to his ex-wife as “the plaintiff” onstage:  at least once per show

Number of people Joe Walsh has threatened to sue who were also named Joe Walsh:  1

Number of people Joe Walsh has sought a restraining order against for menacing his assistant with a piece of wood:  1

Number of lawyers thanked on album liner notes for 1980 release “Eagles Live”:  5

Number of new studio albums Eagles are likely to release:  0  (Quote from Walsh:  “It was painful birth.  I can’t think we have another one in us.  I really can’t.”

Number of Eagles who have visited the real “Hotel California” in Mexico:  0

Number of songs the Eagles have written about a disco enthusiast who murders someone:  1, “The Disco Strangler”

Number of hours the triple concert is likely to last, based on the length of each group’s solo shows: 4

Start time of concert: 4:30 p.m. on Saturday, June 17, 2010 at Soldier Field

Breakdown of concert times, per group: Eagles, 2 hours; Dixie Chicks – 1 hour; Keith Urban – 1 hour

Number of tour dates featuring all 3 acts:  3

Number of tour dates that have been rescheduled, postponed or canceled: 6 (Tickets from $55 to $225 are still available)

Number of albums sold, by group:  Eagles – 100 million; Dixie Chicks – 30.5 million; Keith Urban – 15 million

Number of styling implements it takes to get Keith Urban’s hair that way:  4 to 5

Number of new bands formed by participants in these groups:  1, Court Yard Hounds, formed by 2 of the 3 members of the Dixie Chicks, Martie Maguire and Emily Robison, because lead singer Natalie Maines has not returned to the recording studio with the group.

Name of Dixie Chicks’ group member who famously criticized George W. Bush: Natalie Maines

Number of people who signed an online petition in support of Maines criticism of “W” in 2003: 30,548

Number of weeks it took for the Dixie Chicks’ hit “Travelin’ Soldier” to fall off the country charts completely from its Number One peak, after Maines’ remark: 2

Number of Number One Country hits the Dixie Chicks have had since: 0

Number of times Maines took back the remarks and apologized to then-President Bush: 1, saying, “My remark was disrespectful.”

Number of times Maines retracted her original apology, saying, “I don’t feel that way any more. I don’t feel he is owed any respect whatsoever:” 1

Number of Eagles band members looking visibly disinterested during a Don Henley solo number at a concert in New Jersey: 1 (Joe Walsh)

Number of solo numbers that are sung onstage by co-founder Glenn Frey during the band’s sets: 0

Number of solo songs by other Eagles band members during their set, on average: 6

For more interesting factoids and background on the 3 groups, see www.onethetown@tribune.com and enjoy Allison Stewart’s send-up of the concert, “Three for the price of….?”

Printers’ Row for the second day (Sunday, June 13th). For the second day, intermittent rain.

My tablemate (Chris Bell) did yeoman’s work, covering for us this morning from 10 to 2. (Yesterday, we did the A.M. shift). Today, we did the afternoon shift, 2 to 6 p.m. 6 p.m.

Stil more rain forced us into Bar Louie twice during the days, which was a small sacrifice. (Great spinach dip).

The ghost books sold well and my roommate and fellow tablemate expressed the opinion that the large wooden thing that says, “Ghostly Greetings” was a good eye-catching prop. (I use it to proop one book up.) If anyone knows where you can buy a more slanted plastic book holder thing, like bookstores use for signings, let me know where to purchase one.

So, next week (June 19th, Saturday), Glen Ellyn Book Fair. I’ll be at Drury Designs (kitchen remodels) from 10 to 1 and then I’m going over to Santa Fe restaurnat at 1:00 p.m. and (hopfully) signing until 2:00 p.m. if Olga Jimenez will allow me o do so.

See you there!

For those of you who don’t read “Vanity Fair,” Christopher Hitchens is a columnist/regular contributer to same. He appeared at the noon luncheon of the BEA (BookExpo America) and mainly recited questionable limericks. I have to give this to him: he knew them from memory. One was a questionable item decrying the clergy for episodes of pedophilia, which I won’t repeat here for fear of offense.

True story, however: as I exited the Women’s Rest Room just opposite the downstairs hall in which the program was to take place, I saw some people entering a stairwell. One of those people, a rather tall gentleman, was holding what appeared to be a REAL drink (and it wasn’t even noon yet) so this caught my eye, and I decided, “Well, that person definitely is in to the sauce already today, and I’ll just follow that group in to find our seats.” I was halfway up the stairwell stairs when we hit the landing and I realized that the rather tall gentleman holding the drink (it was in a wine glass, anyway, and it certainly did not look like iced tea) I belatedly recognized as Christopher Hitchens, the keynote speaker. I remember thinking that it was too bad I didn’t have my camera with me, but my next thought was to exit as gracelessly as I had entered (i.e., stumbling into the wrong stairwell and almost ending up onstage, it would seem).

This sort of thing seems to happen to me a lot. I ended up in an elevator with Mickey Rooney and his 9th? 10th? wife in Washington, D.C. once at a poetry thing where he was to speak. (Actually, he spoke just a little, sat down, and his wife sang. She sings well.) His wife was quite angry with little Mickey (who came up to about boob-level) that he had “gotten on the wrong elevator.” Apparently, there was a “special” elevator for the star speaker, but Mickey—who was then nearing 80 if not already in his eighth decade—had picked the wrong elevator and therein lies my “brush with greatness.”

With Christopher Hitchens, I didn’t really stay in the stairwell long enough to be identified as an interloper and, therefore, was merely an audience member wondering why he just kept repeating limericks, some of them fairly outrageous, and then shared memories of deflowering various male members of Parliament or some such. I grew up in Iowa. I now live in Illinois. I am obviously out of the NYC loop and most of the audience that day, when Patton Oswalt (a comedian) hosted, seemed to be out of the NYC loop, also. I think there were several deep breaths taken by the audience (and deep drinks taken by Mr. Hitchens) before he abruptly exited, stage left (the very same stairwell he came in) to “catch a plane to London.” Ah, the lifestyle of the rich and famous!

In keeping with that lifestyle, I’d like to share with you, with appropriate attribution, Christopher Hitchen’s remarks, as quoted in something entitled “Diary” on page 82 of the July, 2010 “Vanity Fair.” It is just a small part of a longer piece, but, in light of my remarks above, I think you’ll get the general idea, and I won’t even tell you about the time I ended up in the elevator with Jesse Jackson’s entourage inside the Pepsi Center in Denver during the DNC, BEFORE he was accused of trying to purchase Barack Obama’s soon-to-be-empty Senate seat (which he vociferously denied).

Here is the excerpt from Christopher Hitchens’ diary, the very same C.H. with shom I had a “brush with greatness” in the stairwell of the Jacob Javits Center on May 27th,…although I’m sure he never knew I was there:

“There was a time when I could outperform all but the most hardened imbibers, a generous slug or 10 of Mr. Walker’s amber restorative being my tipple of preference.  It was between the Tel Aviv massacre and the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.  I now restrict myself to no more than a couple of bottles of halfway decent wine for elevenses, and then a couple more as an accompaniment to luncheon, with Mr. Gordon’s gin firmly ensconced in the driving seat for the remainder of the day.  As an enthuisastic participant in the delights of Mr. Dionysus, I offer no apology for passing down these simple pieces of advice for the young.

Never drink before breakfast, unless the day of the week has a “u” in it.  Martinis go surprisingly well with Corn Flakes, while a medium dry sherry remains the perfect accompaniment to Mr. Kellogg’s admirable Rice Krispies.

It’s much worse to see a woman drunk than a man.  I don’t know why this is ture, but it is, it just is, I don’t care what you say, it just is and you can take that from me and anyway that’s not what I said. (*Author’s note: it is what you said, and it’s sexist as hell!)

And finally, if, like me, you are, like me, a professional scrivener, like me, never ever ever drunk while written an article column piece ever.  It is, perforce, something I never don’t.” (As told to Craig Brown and previously printed in “Private Eye”)

Author  to Sign Books in Drury Design  June 19^th from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. During First Glen Ellyn Book Fair

Author Connie (Corcoran) Wilson will be signing 6 of her most recent book releases within Drury Design from 10 a.m. until 1 p.m. on Saturday, June 19^th, as part of the first Glen Ellyn Book Fair. Nearly all of Mrs. Wilson’s books are priced at (approximately) $10, (with the exception of her 80,000 word novel.)  Three  form a trilogy of true ghost stories, including pictures taken during a 2,800 mile journey along Route 66 in November of 2008 that took the author on the Fort El Reno (Oklahoma) Ghost Tour, the last tour of the Fort’s season.

Connie will also be at Table #164 (Quadrant #2) on Saturday, June 12, from 10 to 2, and on Sunday, June 13th, from 2 to 6 p.m., at Printers Row in Chicago, downtown on Dearborn Street.

Wilson is a long-time writer (54 years) of both nonfiction and fiction, with a teaching career spanning 41 years  spent as adjunct faculty at 6 IA/IL colleges. She has published 8 books covering many genres. There’s literally “something for everyone” in her books published by 6  small independent publishers since 2002.

She began writing at age 10 for her hometown (Independence, Iowa) newspaper and continued writing in high school, college and beyond, while studying at Iowa, Berkeley, Northern Illinois University and the University of Chicago..

Connie attended the University of Iowa on a Ferner-Hearst Journalism Scholarship and graduated as an English major with a Journalism minor. She taught writing both to junior high school students and  to college students  in  writing classes at every college in the Illinois/Iowa Quad Cities. She has also interviewed many famous writers for publication, including Kurt Vonnegut,  John Irving, David Morrell, Anne Perry, William F. Nolan, Frederik Pohl and Joe Hill. Recently, she attended the Hawaii Writers’ Conference and she will be at Table 164 at Printers Row on June 12 and June 13. On May 8^th she helped head up the First Annual Quad City Book Fair in Davenport, Iowa.

Wilson’s early writing was primarily for 7 newspapers, including 15 years (1970-1985) spent serving as the film and book critic for the Quad City Times (Davenport, IA) while employed full-time as a teacher at Silvis (IL) Junior High School. In 1987 Connie founded the second Sylvan Learning Center in the state of Iowa (Bettendorf, Iowa) and in 1995, she founded a Prometric Testing Center. She served as CEO of both businesses while also writing humor columns for the Moline (Illinois) Dispatch and raising 2 children with her husband of 43 years, Craig.

Today, she writes regularly for 7 blogs, including Associated Content, which named her its Content Producer of the Year for her political coverage during the 2008 presidential campaign (AC is a Top 50 blog and was recently bought by Yahoo). She also has her own blog, www.WeeklyWilson.com. You can find more information about the author at www.ConnieCWilson.com.

Today, Connie continues to  review film and television for www.GetYourGoodNews.com , an online newspaper in the Quad Cities, and she has written for www.blogforiowa.com (archived); www.speakaboutit.com (archived); www.JollyJo.com (second coming stories); and www.helium.com (archived). On March 20th of this year, Connie was named the Writer of the Year by the (Davenport, Iowa) Midwest Writing Center, receiving its David R. Collins Memorial Award.

With the sale of both her businesses in 2002, Connie (Corcoran) Wilson has turned her attention to writing longer works. She has published 6 books since 2002 and 8, total (none of them self-published).

Her most recent release is the third book (Volume III) in a trilogy of true ghost stories set along Route 66, entitled Ghostly Tales of Route 66. (www.GhostlyTalesofRoute66.com). The books are PG-rated, small and amply illustrated, beginning in Chicago with Volume I and moving along the Mother Road as far as Oklahoma. Volume II picks up in Ft. Smith, Arkansas, site of an earlier version of the route, and takes the reader to Arizona. The final volume (Vol. III) goes from Arizona to California and was just released on June 4th.

On May 27^th, Connie was at  BookExpo America signing copies of her short story collection Hellfire & Damnation (www.HellfireandDamnationtheBook.com), a collection of short stories with the unifying theme of  the sins punished at each of the 9 circles of Hell in Dante’s Inferno. With an introduction by William F. Nolan, the 15-story collection has been widely praised and is nominated for the Horror Writers’ Association Bram Stoker Award this year.

In 2004, Connie collected her previously published Dispatch humor columns to produce Both Sides Now, a collection of David Sedaris-like humorous essays. In December of 2008 Lachesis Published her first collaborative novel, a romantic sci-fi thriller entitled Out of Time (www.OutofTimetheNovel.com), which was pitched to the producer of the Transformers movies in Burbank, California in June.

By August, ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of It Came from the ‘70s: From ‘The Godfather’ to ‘Apocalypse Now’ will be released from a small Rhode Island publisher (The Merry Blacksmith). The book is a 250 page nonfiction compilation of 50 movie reviews Connie wrote for the Quad City Times between 1970 to 1979, with an illustration every 3 pages, major cast, and interactive trivia (“Who did the studio really want to play Rocky in the movie of the same name?” Answers are upside down on the page; no fair cheating.)

As she said of the book, “Each review is like a tiny time capsule; the book could never be written this way today, as the reviews were written when  movie classics like The Godfather, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Alien were new. It might mention that Sally Field was on Johnny Carson that night, talking about Alien, for instance.”

Stop by Drury Designs and get a signed copy of Connie’s books. The ghost book trilogy, if purchased as a set of 3m receives a $5 discount from the individual price of $9.95. Check the blogs above, as video trailers appear there for  Hellfire & Damnation and Out of Time.

Since 2004, Connie has also been the owner of a condo in the Central Station District of Chicago (Lakeside on the Park), keeping her in touch with her 14-month old twin granddaughters, who live with her son, Scott and his wife, Jessica, in Bridgeport.