Month: June 2010 Page 1 of 2

Drury Designs in Glen Ellyn for Book Fair

On June 30, 2010

Drury Design, Glen Ellyn, Illinois

On June 19th, the community of Glen Ellyn had its first book fair. I signed up to participate ($25) and was told (eventually) that my signing spot was the Santa Fe Cafe. I both called and sent literature to Olga Jimenez, the charming owner of the Santa Fe Cafe, a downtown eating establishment that has been written up in “Chicago magazine.

I then set about having myself put on the free “Daily Herald” calendar, saying I would be at the Santa Fe Cafe and I sent some hand-outs to Olga, asking her to post same. She did so on her front door.

Less then a week before the June 19th event, I learned that I was being moved to Drury Designs, a kitchen and bath remodel store on the outskirts of the town. I was to share time/space with a writer of romance novels. I mentioned that Olga and I had already agreed that, since she doesn’t open till 11:00 a.m., I would sign from 11 to 2, rather than 10 to 1, and I was told that I couldn’ t do this because it “wouuldn’t be uniform.”

Actually, many other writers were signing at places around town in connection with the book fair at times other than 10 to 1, including J.A. Konrath, who signed at the downtown pub at night, and John O’Donnell, who had Randy Hundley of the Chicago Cubs come in as a celebrity to help him sell his baseball book.

I also learned that the “keynote” speaker was going to be speaking at a gym, which is not near the downtown, and that tickets were being sold for the speaker. However, none of we less-well-known writers were invited to have a table at the back of this gym while the “keynote” speaker did her thing.

I protested that, having just helped run a book fair in Davenport, Iowa, not having the rank-and-file of writers near the keynote speaker (who is, let’s face it, supposed to be the one who will draw a crowd for the smaller fry) seemed somewhat unfair to those of us stuck in the boonies. And, since I had already made some small efforts to advertise my presence at the Santa Fe Restaurant, moving me at the last minute to a place much further away from the action didn’t seem wise. The response was that the committee wanted to “draw people into the downtown stores.”

I certainly have no argument with drawing people into the downtown stores and I, personally, did my part, buying $80 of dresses for the 17-month old grand daughters, but I do think it (the notice that I must move to a different location than the one I had just told the newspaper) came sort of late in the day, and the reason given (“wouldn’t be uniform”) was bogus.

The romance writer and I saw exactly one woman who was not a committee member, during our 4 hours at the Drury Design, which is a lovely award-winning store. There were 3 other people who came in during the 4 hours, but they had appointments about their kitchen or bathroom remodeling jobs. Jim Drury, the owner of the establishment, was kind enough to buy one thing from each of his 2 authors, which was very nice of him, and I, in turn, said I would post an article about this lovely shop.

I also noted that all 35 to 40 authors could have been fit inside the Drury Design, and the downstairs has a place (separate room) where the keynote speaker could have spoken, although admittedly it is not the size of a school gymnasium. I hope you enjoy the pictures of my set-up inside a kitchen display. The lonely ghost welcomes the readers who did not come to the “Ghostly Tales of Route 66.”

“SPLICE:” A New “Species” Takes Shape

By Connie Wilson

On June 27, 2010

In Movies, Pop Culture

“Splice,” starring Adrien Brody as the semi-mad scientist, looked good in preview trailers, and it does not disappoint. It was not surprising to see that Guillermo del Torro and Joel Silver were 2 of the 4 producers. Del Torro, in particular, always has a wonderful visual feeling in his films, as with his Oscar-nominated 2006 film “Pan’s Labyrinth,” and his name, like that of Director Tim Burton, signals something that is going to be exceedingly cool visually.

Forty-one-year-old Director Vincenzo Natali, was the storyboard artist for a lot of impressive films, going all the way back to 1991’s “Beetlejuice” before stepping up to direct back around 2000. Natali wrote and directed “Cube” in 1997, and he has done double-duty as writer and director on “Splice,” as well.

The film opens with some heartbeat noises and there is a birth scene that is pretty impressive. The director also seems to have a sense of humor, as the secret lab where Dr. Frankenstein-like attempts to create new life are taking place is labeled NERD, standing for “Nucleic Experimental Research Development.”

In this lab lovers Sarah Polley as Elsa and Adrien Brody as Clive have created some disgusting-looking critters that are being bred to give off valuable proteins and enzymes that will reap rewards for the drug company funding their efforts. The creatures look like nothing so much as male genitalia that have learned to move around inside a cage. The two gung-ho scientists, who are portrayed as hot shots in their field, are to give a big presentation in front of their colleagues, which goes about as well as the King Kong stage scene in that classic monster movie. (“Don’t worry, Folks. He can’t escape.”) We expect disaster and we get it, because the cloned creatures have changed sex from female to male, meaning a critter-a-critter bloody fight to the death onstage, in front of thousands of their scientific colleagues. Embarrassing…and bloody. And, additionally, the two scientists are no longer such hotshots and their lab is in danger of imminent shutdown.

But Elsa (Sarah Polley), who seems ambivalent about giving birth herself after 7 years together as a couple, does want to try to clone a creature that is a little bit of this and a little bit of that: part human, part bird, part amphibian, part reptile, etc. The kicker is that Elsa provides her own DNA so that the lab serves as a surrogate mother for the diabolical experiment that Clive (Adrien Brodey) is opposed to from the start.

“Don’t worry,” Elsa reassures him. “We won’t take it to term. We just will know if we can generate a sustainable life form.” And there is always Elsa’s line, “What’s the worst that can happen?” We’re going to find out. And it’s an intensely graphic violent adventure that combines discussions about morality with the usual “How do you kill a monster?” stuff.

What the two lovebird scientists create initially is primarily a pretty hideous-looking CG creature. It continues to evolve outside the artificial “womb,” however, and, in time, Dren, as the duo name the creature, even begins to bear a resemblance to its human “mother.” The creature, which has bird-like legs, is quite human looking from the legs up, and is played by actress Delphine Chaneac in later scenes.

When the developing Dren becomes too big to hide in the lab, she is moved to a family farm that the mysterious Elsa has inherited from her family, a family that does not seem to have been quite right in the head. We learn very little of the trials and tribulations of the young Elsa, but we learn enough to know that her childhood was not straight out of a Disney movie.

The only problem with hiding Dren in the deserted farm is that Dren is bored and tries to escape at various points and attendance at work for one or both of the scientists become sporadic at best and non-existent at worst, dropping their status from hot shot stars to endangered species. (One funny exchange regarding Dren in the barn: “Don’t worry. She’s not gonna’ leave us,” from Elsa to Clive. Clive’s response: “She just did” as Dren flies off.

Yes, flies. Dren can do lots of things that humans cannot do, including breathe underwater and fly. The creature is one of the most intriguing and interesting other-worldly figures created on film since “Alien.” The human part comes through clearly, although Dren has no hair and seems to have a scar down the middle of the forehead of her otherwise attractive face.

There is an interesting scene where Clive dances with Dren to “Begin the Beguine” and a horrifying scene where Dren’s “Mother,’ (Elsa) feels it necessary to surgically remove Dren’s “stinger” against her will, because the stinger is lethal. (And, apparently, regenerates, if amputated.) There’s also the dispensable character that you just know is going to be picked off first, if anyone is.

Lots of bad things start to happen, as we knew they would, leading to charges that, “You’ve become something sick” (Clive to Elsa) and “We changed the rules. We got confused about right and wrong,” from Clive. Wistfully, he says, “I just wish things could go back to the way they were.”

As we all know, once the genie is out of the bottle, it’s hard to put it back in, leading, ultimately, to some interesting sequel opportunities. Will Brody reprise his role? Stranger things have happened on film, but it looks more like Elsa will take this series to the next level in “Splice 2.”

The special effects are…well…special and it doesn’t hurt to have the London Philharmonic Orchestra recording such songs as ‘Night and Dren.” Shot in Toronto, this film opens up interesting ground for discussion about cloning and its implications for mankind. I’m really looking forward to the sequel and thoroughly enjoyed this first “Splice” film.

“TributeFest” Rocks Downtown Moline on June 25th, 2010

By Connie Wilson

On June 27, 2010

In Local, Music, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture

Moline, Illinois, June 25, 2010: The Quad Cities of Iowa/Illinois held its first Tributefest in the streets outside the iwireless Center on the John Deere Commons area. Four bands that emulate famous bands performed, representing the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, AC/DC, and Bon Jovi, respectively calling themselves “Satisfaction,” “Toys in the Attic,” “Hells’ Bells” and “Bed of Roses.” The bands kicked off at 5:15 p.m. with the Rolling Stones impersonators from Las Vegas playing to a sparse crowd and the groups played until midnight.

As a first-time event, the crowd seemed to sufficient to call the experiment, sponsored by Budweiser, Hiland Toyota and Cumulus Broadcasting a success. Websites for the various groups proclaim them to be the “best tribute bands” for the artists represented, and, having stayed to see each of the four, I can attest that the Mick Jagger impersonator had Mick down (I’ve seen the real Rolling Stones 12 times). They were proclaimed by Las Vegas experts to be the “best” tribute band at imitating the Rolling Stones and perform under the name “Satisfaction.” I’ve seen another tribute band in Chicago with a much-older version of Mick at the microphone. This imitator, who took the stage wearing a white jacket, (which he soon took off in the heat), would represent Jagger of about 15 years ago. The Keith Richards look-alike had the hair down, but also Keith of 15 years ago, as the hair now is more white than black. It also appeared that the Keith Richards clone was playing bass guitar, not lead guitar, which is not the way it works onstage for the real deal.

The set list for the Stones impersonators also covered most of the songs any Stones fan would want to hear, for example: “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” “Let’s Spend the Night Together,” “Under My Thumb,” “Hey, You, Get Offa’ My Cloud,” “Time Is On My Side,” “Paint It Black,” “Tumblin’ Down,” “Shattered,” “Honky Tonk Woman,” “Start Me Up,” and “Brown Sugar.” Unfortunately, the promoters put the Stones on first, and the crowd was sparse at 5:15 p.m. I can say without equivocation that they were my favorite group, but that the others present seemed to prefer the “AC/DC” group from Winnipeg, Canada, who did throw themselves into the show with abandon. At one point, the lead guitar was carried into the crowd on the shoulders of another member of the band. I think that was about the point in time when some audience members, an older crowd generally, started dropping like flies and an ambulance was called.

The Aerosmith band (pictured with article), who perform under the name “Toys in the Attic,” taken from one of the real band’s first albums, had a relatively good Steven Tyler impersonator (not the lips, but the mannerisms), but the Steve Perry guitarist, while very proficient, merely had hair (and lots of it.)

By the time “Bon Jovi” (Bed of Roses) took the stage, with the faux Steven Tyler performing some songs with them, we were ready to pack it in. The Jon Bon Jovi impersonator bears very little resemblance to the real deal (way too short). Plus, the first 4 songs the group sang were not immediately recognizable Bon Jovi hits (and I’m a fan, with July 31 tickets to the REAL Bon Jovi’s Chicago Soldier Field concert). This may have been due to fake Steven Tyler’s presence onstage, while “Jon” played keyboards in the background. The ½ hour wait that fans had endured also cooled off the white-hot enthusiasm that “AC/DC” (aka “Hell’s Bells”) had generated. (Too bad I only knew “All Night Long” and “Highway to Hell” from that heavy metal group.)

I felt sorry for the Stones, who got the shafted in being made to go first, which the announcer kept attributing to the bands having been staged in the order they first began. Ideally, Bon Jovi’s “Bed of Roses,” (much softer pop rock), would have kicked off the night, to be followed by the heavier (and louder) rockers. I think my ears were bleeding after “AC/DC.” We were about 2 feet from the speakers and the volume ramped up a great deal between the Aerosmith guys from Nashville (a 14-hour drive, they said) and the AC/DC performers from Winnipeg.

One complaint, from me was the message I got (via e-mail) the day before the event that made it sound as though I would “save” $4 by buying my tickets online, which I then did. The tickets “at the door” were $12, it said, whereas buying them online in advance they were $10. I bit, and I ended up paying $34 because of a $5.50 “handling fee” for EACH ticket, plus taxes that added to the final total, so my $10 ticket became a $15 ticket and, instead of saving $4, it cost me $10 MORE than if I had just showed up at the venue.

I told the “will call” people in charge of handing out the tickets that I felt this constituted false advertising of a sort; the unconcerned man behind the table said, “Well, you could have canceled out on the computer near the end.” True enough, but why send me the promotional e-mail at all, when it ends up costing you $10 MORE if you take advantage of what was billed as a “cost-saving” measure (which I unwisely did)? All I got for my comment was a long lecture about Ticketmaster. The only way this would have been a “good” deal was if I were traveling from a long away (I wasn’t) and wanted to make absolutely sure I got in. As it was, I learned a lesson about not paying attention to the marketing messages from iwireless Center in Moline.

Otherwise, a fun way to spend an absolutely gorgeous evening, with $3 bratwurst and hot dogs and $5 for a hamburger basket with chips, which was certainly reasonable. You did need to take your own lawn chairs (we did) and the sound from the huge speakers carried for at least 5 blocks.

General McChrystal Out: “Rolling Stone” Analysis

By Connie Wilson

On June 27, 2010

In Politics

In the wake of the “Rolling Stone” magazine article entitled “Runaway General” (by Michael Hastings, p. 91 in July 8-22 issue), I decided to read it for myself to see what kind of “fly on the wall” journalistic report—the first by this reporter for the magazine—could topple an active General

What I learned is that General Stanley McChrystal was probably doomed from the get-go. For one thing, he was much admired by the Bush regime, who liked the fact that he cut corners to get things done. For another thing, he had been in trouble before. “By some accounts, McChrystal’s career should have been over at least two times by now.” (p. 96)

McChrystal took part in the Pat Tillman cover-up, trying to pass off the death of the football player in April 2004 as being a death from enemy fire, rather than an accidental death. He signed off on a Silver Star, suggesting Tillman was killed by Taliban fighters. However, later, McChrystal sent a memo specifically warning President Bush to avoid any mention of the cause of Corporal Tillman’s death saying, “If the circumstances of Corporal Tillman’s death become public, it could cause public embarrassment” for the president. Mrs. Tillman (Pat Tillman’s mother, Mary) wrote in her book Boots on the Ground by Dusk, “McChrystal got away with it because he was the golden boy of Rumsfeld and Bush, who loved his willingness to get things done, even if it included bending the rules or skipping the chain of command.” (p. 96)

There was also a scandal at Camp Mana in Iraq that echoed the prisoner abuses in Abu Ghraib, which occurred two years later, in 2006.

When comparing McChrystal to General Petraeus, who has now replaced him (and is 1 for 1 in having completed Iraq and gotten us through it), “Where General Petraeus is kind of a dweeb, a teacher’s pet with a Ranger’s tab, McChrystal is a snake-eating rebel, a Jedi commander…He speaks his mind with a candor rare for a high-ranking official.” (p. 96) Either McChrystal or Team McChrystal talked s*** about Obama’s top people, including Jim Jones, who was called ‘a clown stuck in 1985, and the U.S. Ambassador Karl Eikenberry, as well as Special Representative to Afghanistan Richard Holbrooke, the official in charge of reintegrating the Taliban. Quote: “The Boss (McChrystal) says he’s like a wounded animal. Holbrooke keeps hearing rumors that he’s going to get fired, so that makes him dangerous. He’s a brilliant guy, but he just comes in, pulls on a lever, whatever he can grasp onto. But this is COIN, and you can’t just have someone yanking on s***.”

He is also a Jedi commander (a term Newsweek coined) who vigorously supported the COIN counterinsurgency strategy, a doctrine attempting to square the military’s preference for high-tech violence with the demands of fighting long, drawn-out wars in failed states. With cultish zeal, the “COINdinistas believe that this strategy would be the solution for Afghanistan if they could just get a general with enough charisma and political savvy to implement it.

It does not appear that McChrystal is going to be that general. He got off to a notoriously weak start with Obama, complaining that Obama didn’t have a clue about what his credentials for the job were, and, as he put it, “I found that time painful. I was selling an unsellable position,” to Beltway Insiders like VP Joe Biden.

Biden, who does like to talk, is said to have taken the position that “a prolonged counterinsurgency campaign in Afghanistan would plunge America into a military quagmire without weakening international terrorist networks.” In other words, Biden, who is demeaned by McChrystal’s men as “Joe Bite Me!” just might be on to something. As, too, might Douglas Macgregor, who attended West Point with McChrystal and said, “The entire COIN strategy is a fraud perpetuated on the American people. The idea that we are going to spend a trillion dollars to reshape the culture of the Islamic world is utter nonsense.” This from a man who went to West Point with McChrystal where he graduated 298^th out of 855 and was once found passed out in the shower, drunk. Even McChrystal’s own wife of 33 years said, in the story, “Even as a young officer he seemed to know what he wanted to do. I don’t think his personality has changed in all these years.” And his personality, as described in the magazine, is that of a highly intelligent badass who wanted to transform systems he considered outdated and was “open to new ways of killing.” A former Special Forces operative who disliked McChrystal’s directives about “courageous restraint” in not killing innocent civilians said, “I would love to kick McChrystal in the nuts. His rules of engagement put soldiers’ lives in even greater danger. Every real soldier will tell you the same thing, bottom line.” (p. 97) A three-tour man named Hicks says, “F***! When I came over here and heard that McChrystal was in charge, I thought we would get our f****** guns on. I get COIN. I Get all that. But we’re losing this thing.”

A senior defense analyst at the RAND Corporation who served as a political adviser to U.S. commanders in Iraq in 2006, “They (the administration) are trying to manipulate perceptions because there is no definition of victory—because victory is not even defined or recognizable. That’s the game we’re in right now. What we need, for strategic purposes, is to create the perception that we didn’t get run off. The facts on the ground are not great, and are not going to become great in the near future.” (p. 121) The article quotes those closest to McChrystal as saying that ‘the rising anti-war sentiment at home doesn’t begin to reflect how deeply f***** up things are in Afghanistan If Americans pulled back and started paying attention to this war, it would become even less popular.” (p. 121)

Then there is a mention of how, “There’s a possibility we could ask for another surge of U.S. forces next summer if we see success here,” from a senior military officer in Kabul. (p. 121). Yet, in its closing paragraphs, the controversial article on General McChrystal that caused Obama to show him the door and send him to Tampa, Florida says, “Whatever the nature of the new plan, the delay underscores the fundamental flaws of counterinsurgency. After 9 years of war, the Taliban simply remains too strongly entrenched for the U.S. military to openly attack. The very people that COIN seeks to win over, the Afghan people, do not want us there. Our supposed ally, President Karzai, used his influence to delay the offensive, and the massive influx of aid championed by McChrystal is likely only to make things worse.” (p. 121) Not encouraging. Not encouraging at all.

And, in one of the article’s final paragraphs on page 121, Andrew Wilder, an expert at Tufts University who has studied the effect of aid in southern Afghanistan says, “Throwing money at the problem exacerbates the problem…So far, counterinsurgency has succeeded only in creating a never-ending demand for the primary product supplied by the military: perpetual war.”

Last line?

“Winning, it would seem, is not really possible. Not even with Stanley McChrystal in charge.”

And, for my final line, not even with General Petraeus (now) in charge.

Blagojevich Witness in Trial Takes A Hard Fall

By Connie Wilson

On June 20, 2010

In Uncategorized

Check out this video of a witness being decked outside the Chicago courtroom of the trial. Only in Chicago.

The Eagles, the Dixie Chicks, and Keith Urban

By Connie Wilson

On June 18, 2010

In Music, Pop Culture

There’s a concert across the street from me at Soldier Field tomorrow night (Saturday, June 19) and it will showcase the Eagles, the Dixie Chicks and Keith Urban.

In today’s Chicago Tribune, page 10, a humorous description of the concert as being “We’ll Pretend We Like Each Other for a Lot Of Money and Keith Urban Will Be There Tour ’10.’

The list chose to mention some of the more tawdry aspects of each band’s past, for instance:

Number of years the Eagles were broken up: 14

Number of Farewell Eagles tours; 1

Number of years the Dixie Chicks have been on hiatus: 4

Number of albums the Dixie Chicks plan to record: 0

Number of times then-guitarist Don Felder and singer Glenn Frey threatened each other onstage during the legendary 1980 concert dubbed “Long Night at Wrong Beach”: Maybe 10

Surprisingly low number of ex-band members who have sued the Eagles: 1 (Felder)

Number of times Glenn Frey refers to his ex-wife as “the plaintiff” onstage: at least once per show

Number of people Joe Walsh has threatened to sue who were also named Joe Walsh: 1

Number of people Joe Walsh has sought a restraining order against for menacing his assistant with a piece of wood: 1

Number of lawyers thanked on album liner notes for 1980 release “Eagles Live”: 5

Number of new studio albums Eagles are likely to release: 0 (Quote from Walsh: “It was painful birth. I can’t think we have another one in us. I really can’t.”

Number of Eagles who have visited the real “Hotel California” in Mexico: 0

Number of songs the Eagles have written about a disco enthusiast who murders someone: 1, “The Disco Strangler”

Number of hours the triple concert is likely to last, based on the length of each group’s solo shows: 4

Start time of concert: 4:30 p.m. on Saturday, June 17, 2010 at Soldier Field

Breakdown of concert times, per group: Eagles, 2 hours; Dixie Chicks – 1 hour; Keith Urban – 1 hour

Number of tour dates featuring all 3 acts: 3

Number of tour dates that have been rescheduled, postponed or canceled: 6 (Tickets from $55 to $225 are still available)

Number of albums sold, by group: Eagles – 100 million; Dixie Chicks – 30.5 million; Keith Urban – 15 million

Number of styling implements it takes to get Keith Urban’s hair that way: 4 to 5

Number of new bands formed by participants in these groups: 1, Court Yard Hounds, formed by 2 of the 3 members of the Dixie Chicks, Martie Maguire and Emily Robison, because lead singer Natalie Maines has not returned to the recording studio with the group.

Name of Dixie Chicks’ group member who famously criticized George W. Bush: Natalie Maines

Number of people who signed an online petition in support of Maines criticism of “W” in 2003: 30,548

Number of weeks it took for the Dixie Chicks’ hit “Travelin’ Soldier” to fall off the country charts completely from its Number One peak, after Maines’ remark: 2

Number of Number One Country hits the Dixie Chicks have had since: 0

Number of times Maines took back the remarks and apologized to then-President Bush: 1, saying, “My remark was disrespectful.”

Number of times Maines retracted her original apology, saying, “I don’t feel that way any more. I don’t feel he is owed any respect whatsoever:” 1

Number of Eagles band members looking visibly disinterested during a Don Henley solo number at a concert in New Jersey: 1 (Joe Walsh)

Number of solo numbers that are sung onstage by co-founder Glenn Frey during the band’s sets: 0

Number of solo songs by other Eagles band members during their set, on average: 6

For more interesting factoids and background on the 3 groups, see [email protected] and enjoy Allison Stewart’s send-up of the concert, “Three for the price of….?”

Printers’ Row in Chicago, June 12 and June 13

By Connie Wilson

On June 13, 2010

In Books, Pop Culture

Printers’ Row for the second day (Sunday, June 13th). For the second day, intermittent rain.

My tablemate (Chris Bell) did yeoman’s work, covering for us this morning from 10 to 2. (Yesterday, we did the A.M. shift). Today, we did the afternoon shift, 2 to 6 p.m. 6 p.m.

Stil more rain forced us into Bar Louie twice during the days, which was a small sacrifice. (Great spinach dip).

The ghost books sold well and my roommate and fellow tablemate expressed the opinion that the large wooden thing that says, “Ghostly Greetings” was a good eye-catching prop. (I use it to proop one book up.) If anyone knows where you can buy a more slanted plastic book holder thing, like bookstores use for signings, let me know where to purchase one.

So, next week (June 19th, Saturday), Glen Ellyn Book Fair. I’ll be at Drury Designs (kitchen remodels) from 10 to 1 and then I’m going over to Santa Fe restaurnat at 1:00 p.m. and (hopfully) signing until 2:00 p.m. if Olga Jimenez will allow me o do so.

See you there!

Convicts’ College Programs Being Cut in Illinois

By Connie Wilson

On June 11, 2010

In Education, Local, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest

Friday, June 11^th in the Quad City Times newspaper, Kurt Erickson of the “Times” Bureau out of Springfield reported that the computer education program for prison inmates was being cut because ex-convicts who graduated in the field couldn’t get jobs. The article went on to say that the program operated at 11 state prisons in Illinois with the assistance of community college instructors. A five-year review of how the inmates fared in getting jobs after graduating from the program found that they were not getting hired, so the program was axed.

Another such joint program was one in business management, which had 900 inmates participate in the most recent round of classes. These classes seem to have been offered on-site, as 19 instructors were being displaced, but those instructors were told they could bid for other prison education jobs.

The fact is that ex-convicts are actively recruited for entrance into Eastern Iowa Community College in the Iowa Quad Cities, for example. At least one such community college cited in this article—Southeastern Illinois—has announced that it is halting its prison education programs because the state of Illinois is so late in reimbursing the institution for the work it has previously provided.

The article went on to say, “Community colleges provide many different classes for inmates, ranging from automotive repair to horticulture.” I can attest to this, having taught primarily students who were enrolled in automotive repair, HVAC programs, culinary arts programs or sign language.

The problem I perceived was that instructors were never provided any information about the enrolled ex-convict’s presence in their class. I realize that privacy issues and privacy policies (that often out-rule common sense) have come to dominate on the community college front, but it seems that the instructor, at least, should have the right to know that a student enrolled in his or her class has just been released from prison. This needn’t be knowledge the entire class possesses, but the instructor deserves to know.

This past history of violence, in some cases, can become a very real problem for the instructor and/or for the rest of the class, as it did for me when I had just such an ex-convict who enrolled (late) in one of my classes. I only found out that he was an ex-convict because he told me, in great detail, about the robbery he had committed. Among other problems this individual faced, he was an alcoholic with a device affixed to his vehicle to monitor his driving because of a DUI citation.

My class taught students how to put together a resume and how to interview for a job, skills that would certainly be beneficial for anyone and no less useful for ex-convicts. After my class had met four times, this particular student came straggling into the office, and I was pointed out as the instructor.

I sat down and attempted to fill him in on all missed work (we only met about 28 times, so 4 absences was quite a lot of missed time for a “late” enrollment). He talked non-stop about robbing his father’s place of employment after-hours, justifying the theft by saying he only wanted the money to go visit his mother in Florida, who had abandoned him when he was eight.

Those sad stories aside, he shared the news of his young daughter, (whom, I later learned, he used to blow into his DUI device so that he could drive drunk to class.) It seems it was her birthday that day. I tried very hard to be encouraging and sympathetic to both this student and others whom I learned, only by accident, were ex-convicts and enrolled in my classes.

The DUI student only came to class once. We were working on resumes in a room that I had reserved which was to have a computer for each student, but there had been some sort of screw-up and we were assigned to a room where the computers were specially designed for a court-reporting class and did not work for “regular” computer work. This student sat in the back of the room being loud and unruly and his blue language caused 3 other class members to come to me and complain after class (I was up front at the blackboard, trying to give instructions while he was drowning out the instruction and using “f” bombs every other word.)

After that, we never again saw the student in the class. I set about arranging the interviews I always arranged with my former Chamber of Commerce contacts, (some of whom at the local auto plazas actually gave jobs to the students they interviewed.) The interview was approximately ½ of the student’s grade, but the missing ex-convict had never returned to class to find out when he was assigned to be interviewed (interviews were also filmed for later critique.)

When it came time to “write a memo,” the class and I wrote a very bland memo that simply said “To: John Doe. From: (my name). Re: Your Interview.” It then filled in the time, day and date of the arranged interview, noting that the interview was 50% of the student’s grade.

The student-in-question, the ex-convict who had been recruited by an African American administrator known as the administration’s “hatchet woman,”a very unpleasant lady with a bald spot the size of a dinner plate and the personality of a piranha…rather than viewing the informative memo(s) as doing Mr. DUI a favor in trying to salvage his grade, said that he had lodged a complaint that he had been sent the memo(s). The hatchet woman, (who bore a grudge against me for the alleged sins of my successor at the Sylvan Learning Center I had sold 2 years previously, whom she felt did not do a good enough job with her niece for a sum of money that she paid) was complained to.

For my part, the student in question showed up again only on the day of the final as it was ending (having missed the interview and all other classes and having only been seen once, in person), entered my classroom (no security at all in the entire building, but a sign posted by the copy machine that read “If you are assaulted, call the Sheriff,” with a phone number) and threatened to kill me. He reeked of booze, and his fellow classmates told me that, thanks to his young daughter, he would have her breathe into his DUI device so that he could drive to campus each morning.

The bell was ringing just as the ex-convict’s threat came, and all of us, me included, exited to the busy hallways ASAP, although it was well-known that no security personnel existed to assist any of us, student or teacher.

For my part, I tried to remain calm and I suggested to the ex-convict that we both go to the Dean’s office together to discuss his concerns. I already had a meeting scheduled about an hour after this to discuss whether it was “ethical” to be required to turn over my Final Exam, in advance, to the various assigned “tutors” for these students, many of whom could not read or could not read at the level necessary for college instruction.

It had come to my attention that the entire exam was being spoon-fed to some of the students by some of the tutors (not all, but some), and the regular students in my class—-kids fresh out of high school, not fresh out of prison—were justifiably upset that they didn’t get this unfair “break.”

As luck would have it, the drunk ex-convict’s advisor was in the hallway, saw him, and escorted him from the building, thereby sparing me a knifing, beating or worse. I spent the rest of the semester trying to find out if that student was still on campus and was coming back, had been expelled, what? No one would tell me (the instructor) what disciplinary action (if any) had been taken against the ex-convict in the auto body repair program. I was told to just drop it.

Despite some serious PTSD from the death threat that day, I did keep my appointment one hour later, where the large African-American administrator poked her finger into my chest and back-marched me around an office in full view of several other college employees (the tutors), who apparently felt that a death threat to an instructor from a student who had never attended class was justified, while a memo that he needed to be present for a scheduled interview that was 50% of his grade was not.

I am sympathetic to the many government-sponsored programs to assist ex-convicts who are leaving prison and need further training to find jobs, and so is the John Howard Association, a prison watchdog group that has raised red flags about cuts to prison education programs. However, I am more sympathetic to the “regular, normal” students and teachers in that community college who are never ever given even so much as a private “heads up” to the danger(s) that may lurk within their classroom.

Ask yourself how you’d feel if you were either (a) one of the regular, normal 18-year-old high school graduates sitting next to such ex-cons, not being given the “tutor” treatment that involved advance knowledge of all test questions on a test and/or the threat the seatmate next to you could potentially pose (especially if drunk at the time) (b) the instructor, fending off death threats from a drunk ex-convict who wanders into your classroom for only the second time all year.

And, last but not least, when do “privacy laws” allow for some protection for that instructor and those students, and what gives an out-of-control administrator the right to physically assault (poking with one’s finger is assault) a hard-working professor with the highest satisfaction marks of any on the faculty, simply because her niece didn’t do well in a reading improvement program that that individual had set up 20 years previously but had not been affiliated with for over 4 years?

Some further investigation of the effects of these government-sponsored classes should be made. Are these students really “college competent?” Is their reading level up to the standards that college work…even junior college work…requires?

Following the near-assault by a student and the actual assault, verbal and physical, by an administrator, I went to the office to take the sign that said, “If you are assault, call the Sheriff” as proof of the lax security, and….surprise!…it had been taken down. (There were still no security officers employed for the rest of that year, but we had the number that might have helped us get help taken from us.) I’ve been told that now this college employs security guards, but I don’t know if that is true. I do know that the Illinois institution that it most resembles in this area has always had a security force, and I was very surprised to learn that the Iowa one did not think that the expense was justified. In my own case, since I could never get a straight answer as to what had been done with the ex-convict student, I had volunteer male members of my class (who asked me, unbidden) escort me to and from my automobile for the rest of the semester. This begged the question of my brand-new car sitting in the parking lot all day, potential prey to a guy with major-league problems and a possible unjustified grudge.

This is why I am not that crushed to hear that the computer and business management classes paid for by government dollars for ex-convicts may be diminishing. Our tax dollars at work, Folks. The inmates now run the asylum a lot of places.

Christopher Hitchens and Me

By Connie Wilson

On June 11, 2010

In Editorial, Humor and Weird Wilson-isms, Interviews, Pop Culture

For those of you who don’t read “Vanity Fair,” Christopher Hitchens is a columnist/regular contributer to same. He appeared at the noon luncheon of the BEA (BookExpo America) and mainly recited questionable limericks. I have to give this to him: he knew them from memory. One was a questionable item decrying the clergy for episodes of pedophilia, which I won’t repeat here for fear of offense.

True story, however: as I exited the Women’s Rest Room just opposite the downstairs hall in which the program was to take place, I saw some people entering a stairwell. One of those people, a rather tall gentleman, was holding what appeared to be a REAL drink (and it wasn’t even noon yet) so this caught my eye, and I decided, “Well, that person definitely is in to the sauce already today, and I’ll just follow that group in to find our seats.” I was halfway up the stairwell stairs when we hit the landing and I realized that the rather tall gentleman holding the drink (it was in a wine glass, anyway, and it certainly did not look like iced tea) I belatedly recognized as Christopher Hitchens, the keynote speaker. I remember thinking that it was too bad I didn’t have my camera with me, but my next thought was to exit as gracelessly as I had entered (i.e., stumbling into the wrong stairwell and almost ending up onstage, it would seem).

This sort of thing seems to happen to me a lot. I ended up in an elevator with Mickey Rooney and his 9th? 10th? wife in Washington, D.C. once at a poetry thing where he was to speak. (Actually, he spoke just a little, sat down, and his wife sang. She sings well.) His wife was quite angry with little Mickey (who came up to about boob-level) that he had “gotten on the wrong elevator.” Apparently, there was a “special” elevator for the star speaker, but Mickey—who was then nearing 80 if not already in his eighth decade—had picked the wrong elevator and therein lies my “brush with greatness.”

With Christopher Hitchens, I didn’t really stay in the stairwell long enough to be identified as an interloper and, therefore, was merely an audience member wondering why he just kept repeating limericks, some of them fairly outrageous, and then shared memories of deflowering various male members of Parliament or some such. I grew up in Iowa. I now live in Illinois. I am obviously out of the NYC loop and most of the audience that day, when Patton Oswalt (a comedian) hosted, seemed to be out of the NYC loop, also. I think there were several deep breaths taken by the audience (and deep drinks taken by Mr. Hitchens) before he abruptly exited, stage left (the very same stairwell he came in) to “catch a plane to London.” Ah, the lifestyle of the rich and famous!

In keeping with that lifestyle, I’d like to share with you, with appropriate attribution, Christopher Hitchen’s remarks, as quoted in something entitled “Diary” on page 82 of the July, 2010 “Vanity Fair.” It is just a small part of a longer piece, but, in light of my remarks above, I think you’ll get the general idea, and I won’t even tell you about the time I ended up in the elevator with Jesse Jackson’s entourage inside the Pepsi Center in Denver during the DNC, BEFORE he was accused of trying to purchase Barack Obama’s soon-to-be-empty Senate seat (which he vociferously denied).

Here is the excerpt from Christopher Hitchens’ diary, the very same C.H. with shom I had a “brush with greatness” in the stairwell of the Jacob Javits Center on May 27th,…although I’m sure he never knew I was there:

“There was a time when I could outperform all but the most hardened imbibers, a generous slug or 10 of Mr. Walker’s amber restorative being my tipple of preference. It was between the Tel Aviv massacre and the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. I now restrict myself to no more than a couple of bottles of halfway decent wine for elevenses, and then a couple more as an accompaniment to luncheon, with Mr. Gordon’s gin firmly ensconced in the driving seat for the remainder of the day. As an enthuisastic participant in the delights of Mr. Dionysus, I offer no apology for passing down these simple pieces of advice for the young.

Never drink before breakfast, unless the day of the week has a “u” in it. Martinis go surprisingly well with Corn Flakes, while a medium dry sherry remains the perfect accompaniment to Mr. Kellogg’s admirable Rice Krispies.

It’s much worse to see a woman drunk than a man. I don’t know why this is ture, but it is, it just is, I don’t care what you say, it just is and you can take that from me and anyway that’s not what I said. (*Author’s note: it is what you said, and it’s sexist as hell!)

And finally, if, like me, you are, like me, a professional scrivener, like me, never ever ever drunk while written an article column piece ever. It is, perforce, something I never don’t.” (As told to Craig Brown and previously printed in “Private Eye”)

Book Signing(s) in Chicago for June 12, 13, 19

By Connie Wilson

On June 11, 2010

In Books, Pop Culture, travel

Author to Sign Books in Drury Design June 19^th from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. During First Glen Ellyn Book Fair

Author Connie (Corcoran) Wilson will be signing 6 of her most recent book releases within Drury Design from 10 a.m. until 1 p.m. on Saturday, June 19^th, as part of the first Glen Ellyn Book Fair. Nearly all of Mrs. Wilson’s books are priced at (approximately) $10, (with the exception of her 80,000 word novel.) Three form a trilogy of true ghost stories, including pictures taken during a 2,800 mile journey along Route 66 in November of 2008 that took the author on the Fort El Reno (Oklahoma) Ghost Tour, the last tour of the Fort’s season.

Connie will also be at Table #164 (Quadrant #2) on Saturday, June 12, from 10 to 2, and on Sunday, June 13th, from 2 to 6 p.m., at Printers Row in Chicago, downtown on Dearborn Street.

Wilson is a long-time writer (54 years) of both nonfiction and fiction, with a teaching career spanning 41 years spent as adjunct faculty at 6 IA/IL colleges. She has published 8 books covering many genres. There’s literally “something for everyone” in her books published by 6 small independent publishers since 2002.

She began writing at age 10 for her hometown (Independence, Iowa) newspaper and continued writing in high school, college and beyond, while studying at Iowa, Berkeley, Northern Illinois University and the University of Chicago..

Connie attended the University of Iowa on a Ferner-Hearst Journalism Scholarship and graduated as an English major with a Journalism minor. She taught writing both to junior high school students and to college students in writing classes at every college in the Illinois/Iowa Quad Cities. She has also interviewed many famous writers for publication, including Kurt Vonnegut, John Irving, David Morrell, Anne Perry, William F. Nolan, Frederik Pohl and Joe Hill. Recently, she attended the Hawaii Writers’ Conference and she will be at Table 164 at Printers Row on June 12 and June 13. On May 8^th she helped head up the First Annual Quad City Book Fair in Davenport, Iowa.

Wilson’s early writing was primarily for 7 newspapers, including 15 years (1970-1985) spent serving as the film and book critic for the Quad City Times (Davenport, IA) while employed full-time as a teacher at Silvis (IL) Junior High School. In 1987 Connie founded the second Sylvan Learning Center in the state of Iowa (Bettendorf, Iowa) and in 1995, she founded a Prometric Testing Center. She served as CEO of both businesses while also writing humor columns for the Moline (Illinois) Dispatch and raising 2 children with her husband of 43 years, Craig.

Today, she writes regularly for 7 blogs, including Associated Content, which named her its Content Producer of the Year for her political coverage during the 2008 presidential campaign (AC is a Top 50 blog and was recently bought by Yahoo). She also has her own blog, www.WeeklyWilson.com. You can find more information about the author at www.ConnieCWilson.com.

Today, Connie continues to review film and television for www.GetYourGoodNews.com , an online newspaper in the Quad Cities, and she has written for www.blogforiowa.com (archived); www.speakaboutit.com (archived); www.JollyJo.com (second coming stories); and www.helium.com (archived). On March 20th of this year, Connie was named the Writer of the Year by the (Davenport, Iowa) Midwest Writing Center, receiving its David R. Collins Memorial Award.

With the sale of both her businesses in 2002, Connie (Corcoran) Wilson has turned her attention to writing longer works. She has published 6 books since 2002 and 8, total (none of them self-published).

Her most recent release is the third book (Volume III) in a trilogy of true ghost stories set along Route 66, entitled Ghostly Tales of Route 66. (www.GhostlyTalesofRoute66.com). The books are PG-rated, small and amply illustrated, beginning in Chicago with Volume I and moving along the Mother Road as far as Oklahoma. Volume II picks up in Ft. Smith, Arkansas, site of an earlier version of the route, and takes the reader to Arizona. The final volume (Vol. III) goes from Arizona to California and was just released on June 4th.

On May 27^th, Connie was at BookExpo America signing copies of her short story collection Hellfire & Damnation (www.HellfireandDamnationtheBook.com), a collection of short stories with the unifying theme of the sins punished at each of the 9 circles of Hell in Dante’s Inferno. With an introduction by William F. Nolan, the 15-story collection has been widely praised and is nominated for the Horror Writers’ Association Bram Stoker Award this year.

In 2004, Connie collected her previously published Dispatch humor columns to produce Both Sides Now, a collection of David Sedaris-like humorous essays. In December of 2008 Lachesis Published her first collaborative novel, a romantic sci-fi thriller entitled Out of Time (www.OutofTimetheNovel.com), which was pitched to the producer of the Transformers movies in Burbank, California in June.

By August, ARCs (Advanced Reader Copies) of It Came from the ‘70s: From ‘The Godfather’ to ‘Apocalypse Now’ will be released from a small Rhode Island publisher (The Merry Blacksmith). The book is a 250 page nonfiction compilation of 50 movie reviews Connie wrote for the Quad City Times between 1970 to 1979, with an illustration every 3 pages, major cast, and interactive trivia (“Who did the studio really want to play Rocky in the movie of the same name?” Answers are upside down on the page; no fair cheating.)

As she said of the book, “Each review is like a tiny time capsule; the book could never be written this way today, as the reviews were written when movie classics like The Godfather, Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Alien were new. It might mention that Sally Field was on Johnny Carson that night, talking about Alien, for instance.”

Stop by Drury Designs and get a signed copy of Connie’s books. The ghost book trilogy, if purchased as a set of 3m receives a $5 discount from the individual price of $9.95. Check the blogs above, as video trailers appear there for Hellfire & Damnation and Out of Time.

Since 2004, Connie has also been the owner of a condo in the Central Station District of Chicago (Lakeside on the Park), keeping her in touch with her 14-month old twin granddaughters, who live with her son, Scott and his wife, Jessica, in Bridgeport.