The Color of Evil, the first novel in a trilogy that focuses on young Tad McGreevy, a boy with paranormal abilities, is ready to launch on Amazon and Barnes & Noble very shortly. A review of it has already appeared here: 

http://wordalert1.blogspot.com/2012/01/color-of-evil.html

"The Color of Evil," first in a trilogy about a young boy with paranormal abilities, will soon be available as an E-book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Writer Christopher Hitchens, who died of esophageal cancer on Dec. 15, 2011.

Christopher Hitchins’ death on December 15 makes it time to share this story of a Celebrity Encounter at the June, 2011 BEA (Book Expo America). Maybe encounter is too strong a word. More like two ships passing in the night.

I had bought a ticket for the breakfast, which begins early in the morning, but I did not purchase the food, but only a seat on the perimeter, as per usual. You still get the free books…if they are giving them out. (Last year, only chapters of books, not entire books). Other years, free copies of “The Kite Runner,” etc.

Because all the seats on the perimeter appeared to be occupied, I saw a group of people who were going up some stairs through a door near the back of the hall. They began climbing upwards. In my mind, I envisioned a balcony or loggia, like a church choir loft, if you will, and one of the men in the party was carrying a glass which was obviously booze, as it had a little parasol in it. This was approximately 9 a.m. and I remember thinking that that individual must really like to party hearty! I decided to follow the group and went through the same door and began climbing.

At about the second landing, I caught a glimpse of the group ahead of me and recognized Christopher Hitchens as the man carrying the drink. I also realized that I was, inadvertently, crashing the group of would-be speakers, who were apparently climbing to a behind-the-stage area where they would be introduced and seated.

Whoops!

I quietly tip-toed downstairs and took a seat on chairs at the back of the hall, the perimeter .
When Hitchens was introduced (by Patton Oswalt, the stand-up comedian who is now co-starring opposite Charlize Theron in “Young Adult”) he strode to the microphone and recited several dirty limericks, most of them by heart. As I recall, he also said something about homosexual hi-jinks in an English boarding school, but his entire demeanor was very preoccupied and grim. He then left, with Patton Oswalt explaining that he “had to catch a plane” or some such. Keep in mind, this was about 7 months before he would die of esophageal cancer, and he had known he was probably terminally ill for a year and a half before he died quite recently, of pneumonia from complications of the disease.

In the January issue of “Vanity Fair” Hitchens’ final essay appears, entitled “Trial of the Will.” He debunks the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” and even speculated that Nietzsche, to whom the quote is attributed, might have stolen it from Goethe. Hitchens gives a brief thumbnail capsule of Nietzsche’s life. To wit:  “In the remainder of his life, however, .Nietzsche seems to have caught an early dose of syphilis, very probably during his first-ever sexual encounter, which gave him crushing migraine headaches and attacks of blindness and metastasized into dementia and paralysis. This, while it did not kill him right away, certainly contributed to his death and cannot possibly, in the meanwhile, be said to have made him stronger.”  More details of Nietzche’s life are provided by the terminally ill writer and, of his own condition he said, “And then I had an unprompted rogue thought: if I had been told about all this in advance, would I have opted for the treatment?  There were several moments as I bucked and writhed and gasped and cursed when I seriously doubted it.”

Hitchens, who was an avowed atheist and told Anderson Cooper that, if he heard stories that, on his deathbed he had recanted and “gotten religion,” he should not believe such reports. He recounted a poem by John Betjeman called “Five O’Clock Shadow:”

This is the time of day when we in the Men’s Ward

Think:  “One more surge of the pain and I give up the fight.”

When he who struggles for breath can struggle less strongly.

This is the time of day that is worse than night.”

Added Hitchens, “I have come to know that feeling all right: the sensation and conviction that the pain will never go away and that the wait for the next fix is unjustly long.  Then a sudden fit of breathlessness, followed by some pointless coughing and then—if it’s a lousy day—by more expectoration than I can handle. Pints of old saliva, occasional mucus, and what the hell do I need heartburn for at this exact moment?  It’s not as if I have eaten anything:  a tube delivers all my nourishment. All of this, and the childish resentment that goes with it, constitutes a weakening.  So does the amazing weight loss that the tube seems unable to combat.  I have now lost almost a third of my body mass since the cancer was diagnosed: it may not kill me, but the atrophy of muscle makes it harder to take even the simple exercises without which I’ll become more enfeebled still.”

And Hitchens added, “I am typing this having just had an injection to try to reduce the pain in my arms, hand, and fingers.  The chief side effect of this pain is numbness in the extremities, filling me with the not irrational fear that I shall lose the ability to write.  Without that ability, I feel sure in advance, my ‘will to live’ would be hugely attenuated.  I often grandly say that writing is not just my living and my livelihood, but my very life, and it’s true.  Almost like the threatened loss of my voice, which is currently being alleviated by some temporary injections into my vocal folds, I feel my personality and identity dissolving as I contemplate dead hands and the loss of the transmission belts that connect me to writing and thinking.”

“These are progressive weaknesses that in a more normal life might have taken decades to catch up with me.  But, as with the normal life, one finds that every passing day represents more and more relentlessly subtracted from less and less.  In other words, the process both etiolates you and moves you nearer toward death.  How could it be otherwise?”

And how could the end have been other than it was. Christopher Hitchens, dead at 62.

"Laughing through Life," a collection of humorous essays and anecdotes now on a Virtual Tour.

Just a reminder that December 7 at 7 p.m. I’ll be at the Bettendorf Public Library (Lillienthal Room, I think) both reading two short humorous selections from “Laughing through Life” (one only takes a minute and a half) but, also, playing carols (2 per instrument) on both accordion and piano for your sing-along pleasure.

Since one of the funny pieces is about a cat, that will be a logical segue for showing you my new Christmas book “The Christmas Cats in Silly Hats,” which is short. At 11 a.m. on Dec. 10th, Emily Marquez of Venezuela will be at Barnes & Noble with me to sign copies, which will be at a special pre-Christmas sale price of $10!

At 2:30 p.m., Emily and I will be at Razzleberries in LeClaire, because Mr. C, the store cat, invited us.

At 6 p.m., Emily and I will be in Geneseo in the window of the Four Seasons store for their annual Christmas walk. Come out and meet a girl from Venezuela who hasn’t seen any small-town Midwestern life (she’s been in Chicago) and welcome her to our local communities. She speaks excellent English and, as one of the illustrators, will happily sign our book for you at the bargain price of only $10 for the cat book and $10.95 for the humor book.

We wish that Andy Weinert could be with us (the other illustrator) but he is graduating from Northern Illinois University on December 11th with an advanced degree in Graphic Arts. Way to go, Andy!

A cool Christmas books for children aged 2-7.

Director Tomas Alfredson ("Let the Right One In") and actor Gary Oldman after the screening of "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" on November 17, 2011, in Chicago.

“I feel like I’m back in my old hometown—Gotham.  He abandoned you, didn’t he—Nolan?” said Gary Oldman with a laugh, as he kicked off a Q&A in Chicago following the showing of his new film with Swedish Director Tomas Alfredson (2008’s “Let the Right One In”).  The reference, of course, was to Oldman’s role as Lt. Jim Gordon in 2008’s “The Dark Knight.” The “Nolan” reference is to Christopher Nolan and that director’s choice of Pittsburgh as the setting for the newest Batman movie in the franchise, to be released in 2012.

Actor Gary Oldman.

Oldman’s presence in Chicago this night with Director Tomas Alfredson was to publicize “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy,” the movie version of John LeCarre’s novel of the same name. (LeCarre worked as a producer on the film).  Oldman said, “I’ve waited 30 years for a role like this. I had to rein in emotion for this one. It was a nice difference.” Referring to a scene in the film where George Smiley, Oldman’s character, lets a fly out of the car where it has been bothering the three occupants, he says, “The fly scene in the car encapsulated Smiley. He expends only enough energy, like a cat. Smiley is a real study in economy. That (fly scene) tells you more about his character than any dialogue.”

Gary Oldman, star of "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy."

Noting that John LeCarre was a producer on the film, Oldman said, “The shadow of Alec Guinness (who played the part previously) was large enough. And, of course, we had John LeCarre as a resource.  He had written the book and lived the life.  John could fill in the earlier days for me, as this book was more autobiographical for him than some others. One stop shopping, for me.” He added, “That’s the exciting thing, for me.  You go to work and the work happens in the moment.  Hopefully, the cloak of inspiration will fall.”

Director Tomas Alfredson said he wanted to make a period piece steeped in atmosphere. “I tried to create a voyeuristic perspective.  I wanted to recreate the feeling of London in those days.  Sort of a damp tweed and cabbage feeling. It’s a lot of fun to make period pieces and its easier if the period is further away.”  The director also commented on the atmospheric soundscape of the film, where the sound of toast being buttered or a tea cup is important. “It’s refreshing to see a movie that isn’t just cut, cut, cut and doesn’t assault you,” both agreed. Noting that, “The secret to playing this (George Smiley) was in the book,” Oldman agreed with Alfredson about the film’s emotional depth.  “I thought one of the great things about it is that we were not forced to kick it up a notch.  It was sort of like watching a lava lamp,” he joked.

Director Tomas Alfredson ("Let the Right One In")

What both men meant was that there are not gratuitous explosions or car chase scenes, but simply the story of a mole within “the Circus,” the London location of MI6’s headquarters at Cambridge Circus. Several times in the film this line occurs:  “There’s a rotten apple. We have to find it.”

On a humorous note, Director Alfredson told of a scene where Oldman is filmed frying an egg. It was a very quiet scene, with Oldman cooking the egg and then carefully cutting and eating it.  As he watched the daily rushes, Oldman smiled and said to Alfredson, “I used to be Sid Vicious, you know,” a reference to his portrayal of Sid Vicious in the 1986 film “Sid and Nancy.”

“Tinker, Tailer, Soldier, Spy” opens wide December 9^th.

Mariane Pearl speaking at the Jumer's Casino in Rock Island, Illinois, on November 10, 2011.

On November 10th, 2011, Mariane Pearl, the widow of slain Wall Street Journal journalist Daniel Pearl spoke in the Quad Cities (IA/IL). She spoke in the grand ballroom of a casino, which was different, and I signed up too late to have dinner. Tickets were $35 if you were alone, $30 if you were with a group and $20 to just show up for the speech, which is what I did.

I went to see exactly what a speaker on the lecture circuit commanding big bucks, no doubt, would use as props…what her technique would be. I don’t  know what I expected, but I know that, if I had been doing it, I’d have asked permission to use a 3-minute clip from the Angelina Jolie film based on her book. I might have considered reading a passage from the more intense parts of the book. Her topic wouldn’t scream PowerPoint, but exactly what would Mariane Pearl, noted journalist and radio hostess, do?

For openers, she’d have to exchange the original microphone, which almost deafened us all, for a different microphone. Good touch: 2 large screens to the sides of the podium, like at a rock concert. Room full. Probably 300 to 500 women there (you do the math).

Then came the speech itself. My impressions?

I have not read her book, primarily because I saw the movie. Not a good reason, I realize, but the only one I have.  Mariane Pearl and Angelina Jolie would, no doubt, get along very well IRL because they each seem to have that “la la land” attitude of “Let’s all be one big happy universe.” She sketched her early meeting with “Danny,” her husband who was kidnapped and beheaded by terrorists in Karachi, Pakistan, when she was pregnant with their first child Adam. She said, “If we gave up, then something was lost that was bigger than ourselves, so we could not give up.” She talked about living your beliefs by moving from Paris to India with her husband.

The crowd at Jumer's Casino in Rock Island for Mariane Pearl's speech on November 10, 2011.

I remember that Mariane Pearl, in the film, takes over the investigation, pretty much.  She admits that she had a computer that the authorities thought might yield clues to who had taken her husband, but she refused to give it up.

“Somehow, the question of life and death and survival became secondary.  I knew what terrorists were trying to achieve…All of a sudden it became like two visions of the future were fighting one another.”

For five weeks Mariane and her team “survived.” “It was a fight between two very extreme visions and it’s about justice. That’s unacceptable.”

Mariane told of the instant when she learned of the murder of her husband and grabbing an AK47 machine gun, but then realizing “how easy it is to kill someone who has virtue.  I was at that point. That would be defeat.  Whatever is the most difficult thing, I must do it. Revenge would be easy; dialogue would be hard. I put the gun down.”

Ms. Pearl then described, somewhat disingenuously, her writing of the book “A Mighty Heart” back in New York City. A major publisher was going to publish this book. She said, “I had no idea whether anyone was going to read that book.” That was the point where I decided that Mrs. Pearl was not being totally honest with herself or us. Saying that she “didn’t know whether anyone would read that book” would be tantamount to Jaycee Duggard (who was kept prisoner in a psychotic’s backyard for 18 years) saying she didn’t know whether anyone would read her book.

The view of the world as one big happy place also didn’t wash, for me.

The impressions I came away with from the speech were that Ms. Pearl looked a bit like a younger version of Imelda Marcos, was not totally being honest with us about her expectations for her best-selling book, and that I was glad I had paid only $20 to hear her, rather than $35 to sit at a table and eat dinner beforehand. I proceeded to meet my husband in the gambling area of the casino and we went to dinner.

All-in-all, maybe I’m just spoiled by presentations like the one Raymond Benson has crafted for his novelizations of James Bond movies. Or maybe I was just tired. Or maybe Ms. Pearl was just tired that night. And there were technical issues, at first, which were quickly overcome.

The new illustrated cat book "The Christmas Cats in Silly Hats."

I’m pretty excited: the proofs for “The Christmas Cats in Silly Hats” have arrived, and the book is really cool. I will have it at all the appearances I’ve booked here in the Quad Cities during the holidays, and, if you’re reading this in some far-flung part of the world, order a copy from Amazon or Barnes & Noble! (It does not exist as an E-book title, yet, but may, in the future.)

I wanted to put this out here to encourage any readers that are interested to please come to the signing(s). The December 10th signing at Northpark Mall will also feature illustrater Emily Marquez from Venezuela, who will come from Chicago for that signing. Other places I plan to be are as follows:

November 21:  4:30 to 10 p.m.- Sizzlin’ Soiree at the downtown Radisson Hotel in conjunction with the Festival of Trees.

December 2:  Gallery Hop in Rock Island from 6 to 9 p.m.

December 3:  12:30 to 1:30 at the East Moline Public Library.

December 3:  2:00 on at Barnes & Noble, Northpark Mall, for a Midwest Writing Center fundraiser

December 7:  7:00 p.m. at the Bettendorf Public Library, which is going to involve a humorous reading from “Laughing through Life,” a piano, an accordion and refreshments. Please come so I don’t bomb on Pearl Harbor Day.

December 10:  Signing at Barnes & Noble at Northpark that will involve Emily Marquez, one of the book’s illustraters from Venezuela, beginning at 11 a.m..

December 10:  The Victorian Christmas Walk in Geneseo, beginning at 5:30, in the window of The Four Seasons, again with Venezuelan illustrator Emily Marquez present.

If you have any interest in humor OR an illustrated children’s book with a good lesson for children to learn, come to any or all of the above events.

Tim Stopulos, Assumption High School (IA) & Wake Forest Musician, on tour with new album "Songs of Separation."

Tim Stop…used to be the Tim Stopulos Trio, then the Tim Stop Trio. Now, just Tim Stop (www.timstop.com) Whenever Tim plays in Chicago and I’m there, as well, I try to stop by, as when he played “Market” on Randolph Street. I wondered about band member Seville Lilly (the hat guy).  Justin Hooks and Michael Tahlier are still onboard. (Justin just for the album, it seems.)

Tim’s CD back when I first wrote about him was “The Long Drive Home.” Now, he’s released a new set of “Songs of Separation,” and the universal theme should hit home for anyone who has loved and lost. The 27-year-old Davenport Assumption High School graduate puts all the emotion out there on the tracks. Therapeutic.

 Most of Tim Stopulos’ new album “Songs of Separation” (released October 18th) focuses on the heartache and heartbreak that is  impossible to avoid when you’re young and in love. Or old and in love. Or young and falling out of love. Or old and falling out of love.Boy meets girl. Boy dates girl. Boy and girl have a long-term relationship. Boy and girl break up to go in different directions. It’s a story as old as Adam and Eve. 

The new CD out from Bettendorf’s Tim Stopulos (“Songs of Separation”) begins a favorite, a song entitled “Half A World Away.” Lyric:  “You’re safe at home, you’re safe and warm, And I’m longing for one day when I find my way.  I will find my place, even if it’s half a world away.” Melancholy. Minor key. One of my personal favorites on the album. Lyric: “Now I’m anxious as these thoughts inside my head begin to swirl about a history that’s only just beginning to unfurl. And I long for adaptation to an unfamiliar world.”  

Coming from Stopulos in a John Mayer pop ballad vein, the songs on this new CD  chronicle the age-old and familiar terrain of falling in and out of love. Influenced by such musicians as Dave Matthews, John Mayer, Ben Folds, Coldplay, Billy Joel, Radiohead (Thom Yorke) and Jeff Buckley, you can hear the Wake Forest graduate’s 22 years of piano lessons paying off in his composition and performance, and, more importantly to this writer, the lyrics are impressive, too. 

The rhythms pick up on “A Little Bit Better,” the second song, which has some interesting and expert guitar work. It’s one of the most upbeat songs, despite this lyric:  “It’s a different kind of alone when you’re locked and trapped inside your mind.” [Reminded me of a Sheryl Crow lyric: "I'm a stranger in my own life."]  

Third song on the CD, “Rollin’“, has the line, “I know I should leave you, but my heart won’t let me go.” Next up, “Unconditional:” “Wherever you are, I love you. Whatever you do, I always will.  I hope some day you’ll find me. My love is…Wherever you are, just call my name.  I’ll race across this empty state.  I’d leave tonight to find you, ‘Cuz my live is unconditional. It’s unconditional.” (Wow! You’re a better man than me, Charlie Brown. I remember some break-ups that left me feeling pretty bitter; this guy’s much more forgiving.)

Next up was “Something’s Gotta’ Give,” (which, judging from the sound of young Tim’s weekend at the Iowa Hawkeye game, written up on his blog, may well be his health. Sounded like a long, crazy weekend!) 

“Professional,” a song with a slightly more cynical slant about a girl who “doesn’t change for anybody” was less devoted than “Unconditional.” I liked “Professional” a lot. [Maybe I've grown more cynical in my old age. You think?] 

 ”Malaga,” the 7th song, is the only one that didn’t seem to focus on the break-up of a relationship. A bit more of a “carpe diem” philosophy, expressed musically.

“Whisper in the Wind” is a melancholy melody that references  the death of a young friend from cancer and wonders where she is (“Did she find God or does she wander in the wind to remind the world of a life that could’ve been but never was.”) After spending Halloween night at a local funeral home— [thankfully, not for a person cut down in their prime]—I could relate. (And, by the way, there’s no place creepier to spend Halloween night!) This song has a wistful air of melancholy, and is performed beautifully. 

“After You” opens with a ticking sound. Liked it. Lyrics:  “I recall she said that if I left I would go alone..she wouldn’t have the strength to follow me, and now I’m gone, so alone is what I chose to be.  But I didn’t choose this life, I told her, it chose me.” That one sounds very autobiographical for a musician on the road trying to make it in the music business. 

There is no mention of “Every Day” on my liner notes, but that is the last song on this impressive, original CD, “Songs of Separation.” Tim just played with Deas Vail at Legends of Notre Dame and he’s set to hit the following venues in the next few days or weeks: 

11/3 – Janesville, Wisconsin, Timeout @ 9:00 P.M.

11/4 – Lindey’s, East Troy, Wisconsin @ 9:00 P.M.

11/5 – Lindey’s, East Troy, Wisconsin @ 9:30 P.M.

11/9 – Crow Valley (Country Club), Davenport, IA

11/10 – Rockit, Chicago, IL 9:00 P.M.

11/23 – Jersey Grille, Davenport, IA

Time off for the holidays, then:

1/20 – The Livery, Benton Harbor, MI

1/27 – The Redstone Room, Davenport, Iowa

Stopulos wrote all the words and music on this expertly produced CD, with help from Michael Tahlier on electric guitar, Tim Seisser on bass, Khari Parker on drums, Matt Nelson on Rhodes/organs, Justin Hooks on percussion with Packy Lundholm on “Something’s Gotta’ Give.” The artwork is by Josh Nelson and photography by Matt Wince, with production by Tim and Bob DiFazio, Engineering/editing mixing by DeFazio, vocal production by El Thornton and Justin Hooks and mastering by Danny Leake at Urban Guerillas. 

Among other accolades thrown around about the handsome young singer are: “energetic, soulful, sophisticated songwriter, wonderful voice, mesmerizing stage presence” Hard to top those already-used descriptions. Let me just say: “Ditto.”

 Check out his songs on YouTube. Better yet, buy a copy at www.timstop.com or Cdbaby.com. But don’t worry about his broken heart. Something tells me there’s someone out there eager to help nurse it back to health.

Neal and Carolyn Cassady with their son John.

At one point in the documentary “Love Always, Carolyn” son John Cassady, [Neal Cassady’s son with the Carolyn of the title], says, “In a secret way, I dig the attention.” Someone should break it to John that his love of the spotlight is no secret; it comes through loud and clear in this documentary made by Swedish filmmakers Malin Korkeasalo and Maria Ramstrom. This underscored when Malin shared, after the film screened in Chicago at the Chicago Film Festival, that John, now in his sixties, drives around in something dubbed “the Beatmobile.”

Swedish filmmaker Malin Korkeasalo.

Asked how this documentary about Carolyn Cassady came to be made, how the filmmakers gained access to her, Malin said, “I did a short portrait of Carolyn for a magazine and, afterwards, she wanted help with her photographs.” Added Malin, “I was surprised at how eager she was to have her children involved (in the documentary).”

Carolyn Cassady was not the only woman in Neal Cassady’s life. He had a previous marriage (to LuAnne Henderson in 1947, which was annulled), became a bigamist with Dianne Hansen (he had another son named Curtis in 1950). When he died in Mexico at age 41, he had yet another woman (Anne Murphy) in his life. Said Carolyn, “Every woman fell in love with him.”

Swedish filmmaker Maria Ramstrom.

Apparently every man did, as well, since Neal and Alan Ginsberg had a well-documented homosexual relationship that spanned 20 years. I saw Alan Ginsberg come onstage to give a poetry reading at the University of California at Berkeley in the summer of 1965. A less attractive physical specimen would be difficult to find, “Howl” notwithstanding.
Neal Cassady, on the other hand, was physically handsome and very charming, but his upbringing with his alcoholic father in Denver, Colorado was far from normal—although Carolyn, in the documentary says, “There is no such thing as normal.” Carolyn also says, “I don’t regret knowing Neal, but I regret all the artificial self-promoting stuff that has come after it.  You just can’t get away from it.”

Maria Ramstrom and Malin Korkeasalo.

At this point in her life, nearing her 89^th birthday (April 28) Carolyn has begun divesting of various mementos of her life with Neal Cassady and Jack Kerouac, her lover from 1952 until 1960 at Neal’s urging. As Carolyn explains in the film, “It was Neal’s wish to share me with Jack.  I was against it, to begin with, but it was a survival for me to keep the man I loved.” Puffing on one of many small cigarillos, she says, “You have to go with the flow…There isn’t any hard and fast thing called love…Your heart is too big to just hold one sometimes.”

Going with the flow must have been difficult for Carolyn Cassady, who describes herself in the documentary as frigid ever since an older brother (she is one of 5 children) molested her in adolescence. Said Carolyn, “I was totally frigid from then on, but from then on I sold it for affection.” As she told the filmmakers, “You just do what you have to do. You get on with it and do it.”

Maria Ramstrom during the Q&A.

Carolyn’s early life in Lansing, Michigan and Nashville, Tennessee was fairly repressive. The youngest of 5 children, she describes a very solid Victorian upbringing, with a good home and a good education. “There was no touching or cuddling after infancy.  My nanny was the only hugging I ever got.  Almost anything you did, you never were quite good enough.” Carolyn left home at 16 to study drama and theater and became an accomplished painter and costumer of theatrical productions.

She met Neal and Jack in Denver at age 24 (1947) and says, “Some clog just clicked on a wheel.  That’s just how it felt and I knew this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” Unfortunately, her parents strongly disapproved. Her mother wrote Carolyn a letter in which she told her “what a horrible horror I was” and her parents eventually disinherited her.

To this day, Carolyn has money issues. At the film’s outset, her son John says of her situation that she has only 200 pounds in her British bank. (John:  “She was down to 200 pounds in the bank last week, and I don’t know what we’re gonna’ do next month.”) (*Carolyn moved to Bracknell, England, outside London, at age 63 and lives there alone, as her 3 children with Neal Cassady all live in the United States. At one point in the film she jokes that the sheets she is folding have been around since 1954 and that “maybe I should sell them to Johnny Depp or somebody.”) There is also a line about “all those pictures that have been supporting me ever since” and Carolyn is heard verbally admonishing a representative of Penguin Books, who is selling a book that has a picture of Neal and Jack on the cover that Carolyn took. (“Well, shame on you! You used my photograph without permission or payment!”)

“I think we learn by our mistakes, by our wrong choices,” says the 89-year-old in the film. “The hardest part of my whole life is ending up alone.” She repeated the theme, “It’s a real drag that I ended up my life completely alone,” yet it was Carolyn who moved thousands of miles away from her children. She pronounced possible men in her age range after Neal to be “married or gay or impossible.”

When she looks back at Neal’s constant departures and irresponsible behavior as a husband and father she says, “You don’t do that (leave on a road trip) when you have a new wife and baby.” But, she adds, “He’d always talk himself back…Throwing them out never worked.” She says wryly, “He couldn’t quite get the marriage thing together.”

Cassady also “hated himself like that” when he would play the fool while high on drugs.  Neal told her, “They all just look at me and I get high and behave like an idiot.” Added Carolyn, “Which is so sad.  He hated himself for it. I asked him, ‘Then why do you do it?’ He responded, ‘I don’t know.  They just all expect it.’” Several times, Carolyn murmurs, “Such a brilliant mind.  Just horrible that he wasted it all on drugs.”

Carolyn has been quoted in Notes from the Underground as saying, “As far as I’m concerned, the Beat Generation was something made up by the media and Allen Ginsberg.” Her marriage to Cassady suffered tremendously when she refused to post his $5,000 bail after he was arrested for offering 3 marijuana cigarettes to an undercover policeman and he did 5 years in prison at San Quentin as a result. Said Carolyn, “We had some good times after that, but always in the background was resentment.  He never ever really forgave me.  I couldn’t risk the house, could I?”

The throngs of college students cheering for Carolyn and John Cassady at their appearances on campus seem to have bought into what Carolyn dubbed the myth of the Beat generation, without considering the consequences to the participants.  Sad is the biggest emotion that comes through.

Carolyn says, “I watched both of them destroy themselves.  It was hell.”  She quotes from a letter written to Neal discussing their young son John, who is acting out in adolescence, and says, “I don’t know how I can stand to watch him go the way you have, at what expense?”

Maria Ramstrom and Malin Korkeasalo.

Carolyn Cassady may have lived an interesting and memorable life that she has chronicled in her own book Off the Road, but this documentary takes a look at an almost 90-year-old woman who is living alone, trying to sell off memorabilia from her past with two of literature’s notorious Merry Pranksters in order to survive. What is even more distressing is that her three children seem to also have the idea that living off their always-absent father’s name is desirable. (One daughter wanted to market a wine with the pictures of Kerouac and Cassady on the jug.)

Far from leaving the film feeling envious of a woman who has experienced this history up close and personal, it just made me feel sad. Sad for Carolyn Cassady now, and sad that her life was spent in thrall to a man who had numerous women other than Carolyn in his life. (LuAnne Henderson, his first wife, in 1947; Diane Hansen, who gave birth to Curtis in 1950; Anne Murphy when he was in Mexico, where he was found dead alongside the railroad tracks just 4 days shy of his 42^nd birthday.)
As for Jack Kerouac, he drank himself to death at age 47.

Allen Ginsberg, bearded, disheveled and unkempt, in 1965 had to be physically carried offstage by the janitor at Berkeley, since squatting on the floor playing finger cymbals and mumbling incoherently didn’t really fall under the heading of “poetry reading.”

Adjectives like “ineffectual,” “powerless” and “desperate” are employed by the central figure in the film.  Carolyn says of herself, “I was overwhelmed,” but adds, “That’s what makes life interesting is all these complications.  Mine was pretty messed up.”